Mission Impossible: Who is Loki's Lover?
by Saffa
Summary: Loki has girlfriend! Impossible! The best way to find out the truth: prove it. Here is the Avengers new mission: investigate Loki and determine whether he has a girlfriend or not. All plans – quirky or weird – approved. Let Mission Very Very hard but Actually Possible begin.
1. Prologue: Loki has a day out

**A/N - Someone once wrote on YouTube that Mission Impossible shouldn't be called Mission Impossible but rather Mission very very hard but actually possible. I laughed hard. This time however, the mission may very well be impossible…**

**Oh, well. Let the missions begin. You decide if it's impossible or not.**

* * *

**Mission Impossible: Who is Loki's Lover?**

**Prologue - Loki has a day out**

It was a sunny day and lucky little Loki was out on a daytrip to the city. Stark on the other hand had a sour face. He was stuck with babysitting duties.

Because this is what happened. After the Manhattan battle, Odin had sent Loki back to Earth with Thor to do some 'community service' as Fury put it. Stark thought that was a load of bull and Odin probably just didn't want Loki on planet Asgard. But Fury had granted Loki access to Earth. And here he was.

What was even worse now was that Loki got a 'treat' for being such a good little boy and not pranking anyone for three days straight (a new record according to Thor). So he got a trip out to the city and Stark got stuck monitoring him.

Loki wasn't allowed out scot-free. He had a tracker and a listening device taped to him. To add, there were cameras on him everywhere. And apparently he had _promised_ not to touch them. _Yeah right_, Stark thought. _Trust goes a loooong way with the God of Mischief. _

Loki had left that morning, waving Stark goodbye with an irritating waggle of fingers. He practically skipped out of base. And now it was mid-morning and Loki had been searching for a place to eat. He took _ages_ to choose where. He scanned menus and looked at the scenery. Finally! (Stark had nearly fallen asleep out of boredom now) He sat down at a small bistro which served pasta and other western dishes.

And now Stark had the delight of watching him chose what to eat. Which took him another 10 minutes. And what was worse? Well, Loki ordered the food and ate the pasta ever sooooo slowly. It irked Stark like hell. There was Loki: eating Mediterranean pasta with garlic bread and onion soup, and here was Stark – stuck in a grey room with cameras as his best friend and a cup of water. Pathetic. Stark made a note to eat fancy tonight.

But just as Stark was telling Jarvis to note that down, a female voice distracted him.

"Hello." Came a soft, elegant voice. "Mind if I sit here?"

Loki grinned. Stark didn't. Because the camera couldn't see this supposed female. A potted plant blocked a clear view. All Stark could see was brown soft hair and a slim body.

"Why Loki's table!" Stark hissed indignantly.

"Please do." Loki offered in an overly gentlemanly fashion. Stark pretended to gag. "But why sit at my table?" _Yes, why?_ Stark thought acerbically. "Can I help you?"

"Yes. You can." The female said, a touch of wickedness in her voice. "You see, I couldn't help but notice how…handsome you were."

Loki's smile grew broader. "Oh. It's a good thing I'm single then." He smirked.

"Is that so?" the female asked coyly. "Need I say more?"

"Of course not." Loki smiled. "Would you like to go out for dinner then?" he asked with a small bow.

"It would be my pleasure."

* * *

"Guys!" yelled Tony, contacting everyone via phone immediately. "It's an emergency!"

"What's wrong?" Natasha asked instantly, professional as always. "Aliens or humans?"

"Loki!" Tony screamed. Thor sighed.

"Tch. What'd he do this time?" Bruce groaned. "I knew that day trip thing was a bad idea."

Clint grunted his agreement. "His community service should be to sit in a room and let little kids throw tomatoes at him."

"Oooh. Good idea." Tony said distracted. "It would improve their aim. Kids these days are getting really bad at sports."

"Stop diverting Stark." Steve muttered. "Back to the point, what happened?"

"Oh." Tony said simply. "Loki got a girlfriend."

There was silence. And more silence. And then suddenly…

"WHAT!" came the unanimous scream from all the Avengers.

"You're joking." "That's impossible." "You're mistaken." "It must have been a trick of light." A variety of responses came muddled through the phone. Each one more obscure till there was swearing involved. Tony held the phone away from his head to preserve his hearing ability.

"Chill people." He said. "I know Loki got a girlfriend…apparently…but the world isn't going to end yet."

"Don't count on that." Clint said darkly. "If they get together, married and all, you know what's next? Little Lokis. Urgh." He shivered.

In the background Natasha choked at the thought.

"Let's gather and discuss this properly." Steve suggested.

"Good idea." Tony seconded. "My place in five."

* * *

_Stark towers…_

All the avengers were gathered in Tony's living room. On the television was a frozen picture of the CCTV camera feed where Loki sat with his pasta and a half-hidden girl opposite. Tony pressed play and in the video, Loki leaned forwards to capture a pasta-y kiss.

Natasha grimaced. "So it's confirmed."

"Oh yeah." Tony nodded. "It's a girlfriend…if a very mislead and mistaken one."

"What do we do about this…misguided…female." Thor questioned in a deep voice. "We cannot allow her to be hurt."

"Of course not." Steve agreed. "We have to interrogate Loki when he comes back."

"Interrogate me about what?" came a voice from the doorway. "Hello people." Waved Loki. All the Avengers shuffled three steps away from the Asgardian god.

Loki looked at the TV screen with interest and then smirked. "Ah, I see you saw my…date."

"Explain." Thor demanded. "Who is this woman you are fooling."

"Fooling?" Loki looked at his brother with an injured expression. "I fool nobody. If you saw that film properly, she approached me first."

"And what trickery did you play to lure her there?" Steve asked firmly.

"None." Loki raised both hands in surrender. "I simply offered to date her and she agreed."

"Who is this woman?" Clint finally asked. "We'll ask her ourselves."

"Can't tell you that one." Loki smiled, a wide, wide grin of someone who had the upper hand.

"Why not." Tony folded his arms.

"Because." Loki said simply. "It's a secret."

* * *

"Damn." Tony punched the ground. "He's not going to tell."

"No." Bruce agreed, taking off his glasses and polishing them with his shirt.

"It's simple then." Natasha shrugged drawing eyes to her. "We just have to find out ourselves."

"Agreed." Clint said shortly.

"How do we do that?" Steve asked. "You have a plan."

"No." Natasha shook her head. "But plans always come to mind quickly."

"Of course." Tony was grinning now. "After all you have a resident genius to solve your problems."

Thor smiled. "Good. We shall steal the upper hand of battle from my brother and acquire the truth."

Steve however looked doubtful. "And what plan is going to work. I mean this is against Loki. And as you know all the plans we seem to come up with are quirky and weird."

"Right." Tony smiled. "Any plan will work. The quirkier and weirder, the better!" Steve just sighed and resigned himself to this crazy plot.

"So people." Tony rubbed his hands together. "This plan needs a name."

"Hmmm, how about Mission Impossible." Clint suggested. "You know that awesome movie with Tony Cruise and Jeremy Renner in it."

"Nah." Tony dismissed the name. "It has a ring to it…but it sounds like we can't do this thing. You know because it calls itself 'impossible'".

"Change the name slightly then." Steve suggested.

"Like what?" Bruce questioned. "Mission Loki?"

"Urgh." Tony groaned. "It's got the word Loki in it. It'd kill me." He pretended to fall to the ground, mock strangled.

"Mission Discovery?" Steve proposed.

"Bo-ring." Clint sang. "It needs more of a ring to it."

"Well human." Thor rolled his eyes. "If it's not Impossible then just say it's very very hard but actually possible."

"I like it!" Tony exclaimed, picking himself off the floor. "That's it! Mission Very Very Hard but Actually Possible. A done deal."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Let's just called it a mission and be done with."

"Where's the fun in that." Tony whined. "It's Mission VVHAP."

"Vap?" Thor sounded confused.

"Whatever." Clint leaned back in his chair. "The mission's on and the aim is to find out who is Loki's lover."

Tony smiled. "Let the mission begin."

* * *

**A/N – Sorry for the long intro. I had a lot to explain. The rest of the story though will be shorter. More drabble like and meant for humor and fun. **

**So hope you get the gist of the beginning because here comes the mission: avenger style~**

**Over and out-**

**Saffa **


	2. Project Casual Questioning

**A/N – Here's the first chapter. Short as I promised but hopefully sweet enough. Enjoy~**

* * *

**Chapter 1 – Casual questioning**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Casual Questioning _

_Mission details: involves casually asking Loki what girls he likes…_

_Plan suggested by: Bruce_

* * *

The Avengers sat around Stark's living room, watching TV, sipping coffee or reading the newspaper. Loki entered from his 'exclusive bedroom' and was watching everyone suspiciously.

"Yo Loki." Called Tony from a sofa. Loki nodded uncertainty at the billionaire.

"Tell me Loki." Tony said in an over-friendly voice as he put down the newspaper. "What sort of girls are you interested in?"

Loki smirked. "Curvy ones." Tony nodded in half-agreement. "The type with that has red hair, wears cat suits and speaks Russian. They're great in bed."

One hand tapped Loki's shoulder. He turned around.

"Hey Loki." Clint said with eyes of thunder. "Hungry?"

Loki gulped nervously. "A little…perhaps. Why?"

"Good." Clint smiled wickedly. "Because I make a mean knuckle sandwich. "

That night Loki went to bed black and blue.

* * *

**A/N – Hoped you liked this first chapter. I'll try to upload another two more tonight to give you a taster of what kind of story it is. **


	3. Project Tickle Torture

**A/N – Chapter 2 is up. This time it's a tickle torture! If anyone out there is ticklish then you sure know how tickling is indeed a potent form of torture…0.0…**

**Good luck Loki.**

* * *

**Chapter 2 – Tickle torture**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Tickle Torture _

_Mission details: tickling Loki till he spills the beans…_

_Plan suggested by: Tony_

* * *

"Loki!" Clint greeted the Asgardian god as he entered the room. Loki peered at Clint warily. He still had the bruises from last night. "Come sit down."

Loki edged forwards. The archer did seem in a better mood than last night. Maybe it'd be okay today. So Loki sat down. He shouldn't have.

"So Loki." Clint began. Loki stiffened. Not just because Clint initiated a conversation, but because he had started massaging Loki's shoulders. "I think you've been a bit stressed lately."

"Perhaps…" Loki admitted cautiously. "I got beaten up the other day."

"Psh." Clint waved away Loki's accusation. "Just a little male bonding."

Loki peered down at his purple arms. "A little rough wasn't it."

"Man up." Clint patted his shoulders and suddenly cuffed Loki's hands to the chair. Then he did the same with each of Loki's feet.

Loki struggled. Something was definitely wrong. His feeling got worse as Clint pulled off his two boots, scrunching his face up at the smell and then tossed it into the bin. Oh he was in deep trouble. It came in the form of Natasha and Tony, each wielding a long feathery feather.

"Oh no." Loki's eyes widened.

"Oh yes." Natasha grinned. "I thought you like curvy, red haired, cat suit Russians." She smiled and began to tickle one foot with her feather.

"Don't take all the fun." Tony smiled wickedly and tickled the other foot.

"Noooo!" Loki screamed in between laughs. "Ah! That tickles."

"That's the point." Clint said blandly. "So Loki, who's your girlfriend?"

"Not…haha…haha…AH…telling." Loki choked out.

"Too bad." Natasha smiled and continued tickling. "Ready to tell yet?"

But Loki couldn't tell. He'd fainted from laughing too much.

* * *

**A/N – A little longer than I expected, but I included parts from the previous chapter. Hope you liked this one. And yes, Loki's feet do smell. But blame the boots, not the man. **


	4. Project Sleep Talking

**A/N – I couldn't resist this chapter. I'm not much of a sleep talker but more of a sleep walker. Well, this one gets good~ Mmmmmm~**

* * *

**Chapter 3 – Sleep talking**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Sleep Talking_

_Mission details: record Loki's sleep talking to find out who the girlfriend is…_

_Plan suggested by: Steve_

* * *

Thor loved telling stories of how idiotic Loki had been as a child. How he had dressed in his mother's clothes and danced around the main hall in Asgard, how he had been fascinated by butterflies and cried when they died and mostly of how he sleep talked.

Steve thought that was hilarious. So that was the next plan: record Loki sleep talking and see if he spilled the beans. It was all set to go. The recorder was taped under Loki's bed, a camera on the ceiling and the Avengers had piled into Tony's hidden computer room to listen.

It went something like this:

* * *

Day 1

"Mmmmmm." Loki moaned. "Mmmmmm."

Natasha raised an eyebrow, skeptical at what kind of dreams Loki had.

"I looooove you."

Tony began to smile. "Come here, baby." He whispered. "Come to mommy."

"I loooooveee you." Loki said again. "I looooooove you…pastaaa."

Tony facepalmed.

* * *

Day 2

"Mmmmmm." Loki groaned. "Mmmmm."

Natasha raised an eyebrow again.

"I loooooove you soooo soooo much." Loki murmured.

Bruce looked at the screen where Loki rolled from one side of the bed to the other, hugging his pillow. "It's an improvement from just 'I loooove you'". He mimicked mockingly. The other Avengers laughed.

"I loooooove you…pizza."

Bruce facepalmed.

* * *

Day 3

"Mmmmm." Loki sighed. "Mmmmmm."

Natasha didn't even both raising an eyebrow now.

"I loooooovee you…with my liiiiiiffffeeee." Loki purred. "I looooove you soooo much."

Steve glanced at the screen. "Please let it not be food he's dreaming about again."

"I loooooove you…Steve." Loki muttered into the pillow.

Steve gagged.

* * *

_In the bedroom…_

Loki opened his eyes and peered at the camera. He grinned.

* * *

**A/N – Who says Loki doesn't know what's going on. Ouch, sorry Steve. Loki won this round.**

**Okay that's me for today. I'll try to get another two chapter up tomorrow. **

**But you know what? If anyone has any ideas about Mission plans and such, please review and tell me about it! I mean there's only so much i can think of. But you all out there have creative minds that could add so much. So if you have anything. Add it and if i like i'll write it in~**

**Thanks**

**Over and out-**

**Saffa **


	5. Project Happy Hour

**A/N - I just had to do a chapter where they all get drunk. No, this time Loki isn't faking it.**

* * *

**Chapter 4 – Happy hour**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Happy Hour_

_Mission details: Get Loki drunk and see what he spills…_

_Plan suggested by: Tony_

* * *

Tony whistled as he pulled out a large variety of wine and beer bottled from the kitchen. Clint was already admiring the 1811 Château d'Yquem – an expensive white wine – with gleaming eyes. Natasha and Pepper were chatting over some red wine.

Loki strode into the room and raised one eyebrow at the relaxed atmosphere. He had expected more…dangerous…territory.

"Brother!" Thor cried and stood up from where he was drinking a large mug of beer. He gave Loki an exuberant embrace that choked the air out of the god. Then he directed Loki to a seat and got him a beer.

"Cheers!" he laughed, clashing his drink with Loki's cup so forcefully it smashed.

"Not to worry." Tony called, though he winced inwardly. He brought the two gods another drink. "Enjoy!" he said heartily. (Even if it hurt him inside to be serving drinks to Loki)

"What are we…celebrating for?" Loki asked, one eyebrow twitching as he nervously downed the drink.

"You!" Tony yelled offering him another drink.

"Me?"

"Yes. Fury's allowed you a one week holiday, within Manhattan though, for your good behavior!" Tony smiled. "Thor tells me you haven't played a prank for four days in a row! A new record right!"

Loki relaxed slightly, sipping his second beer. "Oh, that. Child's play.

Tony proffered him another drink, forcing the Norse god to drink more than his limit. When offered a fourth, he began to protest. "Ah…no…Tony I'm not such a good drinker." But Tony wouldn't accept such a lame excuse. Eventually Loki was on his sixth.

He swayed back and forth, obviously smashed. "So Loki." Tony began, leaning forwards. "Tell me. Do you have a girlfriend?"

Loki groaned. Held his head. And then suddenly jumped up as if struck by lightning.

"Loki?" Tony asked him nervously.

But the God of Mischief had jumped onto the table, turned the TV to the music channel where Justin Beiber was playing and started dancing. It was a full out dancing with bits of the can-can, a waltz and tango and then a backflip that failed and ended with Loki groaning on the ground.

"Okaaay." Tony said anxiously (anxious for his furniture). "Bedtime, buddy."

Loki sat up. Leaned forwards. And threw up.

* * *

**A/N – ooooo…Tony is not gonna be pleased with Loki now. Then again, it was Tony's plan. What goes around comes around they say. **


	6. Project Tuck Loki in Bed

**A/N – This chapter's a continuation of the previous one. The after-effects of six beers so to say.**

* * *

**Chapter 5: Project Tuck Loki in Bed**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Tuck Loki in Bed_

_Project details: put drunk Loki to bed and try to get any detail possible out_

_Plan suggested by: Natasha_

* * *

Natasha was half-carrying, half-dragging Loki to his bedroom. Luckily there was one in Stark towers or else he'd have been sleeping in the bathroom.

Loki reeked. Of beer (Tony's fault), of sweat (MTV's fault) and of vomit (Tony's fault again). Natasha was not pleased but none of the boys had been willing to tuck the God of Mischief into bed. And Natasha wouldn't let Pepper do it. So it was left up to her.

She forced him into the shower, letting the robots do the job of scrubbing and dressing. Eventually Loki stumbled out of the shower and Natasha brought him to his bed where he collapsed gratefully.

"How you feeling Loki?" she asked in her sweetest, most sugary voice. "Does your head hurt?"

"Urrrgh…" he moaned. "Feel…awful…damn…you…Stark." And then flopped back onto the bed, exhausted.

Natasha drew a chair near him and turned off the lights. "Do you want someone to stay with you, Loki?" she asked softly. "Your girlfriend maybe?"

"Girlfriend?" Loki groaned. "No…"

"You okay?" Natasha asked alarmed as the god started looking very feverish. "Shall I turn on the air-con?"

"Reaaallly….hot…" Loki muttered. "Let me…take off a few layers."

Natasha's eyes widened in alarm as Loki started stripping. He pulled his nightcap off (courtesy of the robot). Then his shirt. Then it got dodgy. Because Loki reached for his pants and pulled them off.

Luckily there were boxers, but then he reached for them too…

And Natasha did what instinct told her first: she punched him.

Loki reeled, then fell down in a dead faint.

Natasha panted heavily, relieved at avoiding a REALLY bad scene.

"I'm never tucking Loki to bed again." She vowed.

* * *

**A/N – Ummm yeah…dodgy scene. Hopefully Loki doesn't remember it tomorrow morning…**


	7. Project Doctor Doctor

**A/N – Okay. Sorry it's another follow up from the previous two chapters of the drunkard arc. But I couldn't resist this one.**

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Project Doctor Doctor**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Doctor Doctor_

_Mission details: pretend to have a doctor examine Loki and ask about any 'stress' in his life…_

_Plan suggested by: Bruce_

* * *

Loki moaned pitifully. His head was pounded as if Thor was summoning lightning bolts and dancing on a table top. Not fun. He knew first hand.

"Loki?" came a foreign voice from the door.

"Mrghhhh." Loki groaned. "Enterghz."

The door opened, the screeching sound making him screw his eyes close and hold his head. The soft steps however were soothing. He opened his eyes to see a man sit in front of his wearing a white lab coat and a bushy mustache.

"Hello Loki." Said the soft voiced apparent-Doctor. "I'm Doctor uuhh Brice and Mr. Stark called me here to check on your condition."

"I'm hungover, Doc." Loki complained. "That's all Stark's fault."

"Uhh very well." The doctor said. "But let me check you over anyway." He took over a stethoscope and told Loki to sit up which he did reluctantly.

"Tell me." The doctor said calmly, moving the stethoscope over Loki's bare chest. He seemed unperturbed at Loki's naked condition. "How is your life in general?"

"Terrible." Loki muttered darkly. When the doctor raised an eyebrow, he continued. "In the past week I've been beaten up, cuffed to a chair and tickled to near-death, forced-drunk and then punched in the face…at least I think I remember being punched in the face. I woke up with an insanely large bruise on my nose this morning."

"Ah…" the doctor seemed lost for words. "Your life sounds…complicated."

"Tell me about it." Loki rolled his eyes.

"But, there must be some good things in your life." The doctor said as he bent down to put away the stethoscope. "Maybe a girlfriend?"

Loki looked at him straight in the face. "Bruce." He said shortly.

"Ah yes." Bruce said. Then he stopped. He realized Loki knew who he was. "Uhh…"

"Your mustache is falling off."

There was a soft silence.

"Damn it."

* * *

**A/N – Okay, that's the end of the drunkard series. Next one: Project Hypnosis. **

**Look forwards to it~**

**Saffa. **


	8. Project Hypnosis

**A/N – I loved this chapter. Mainly because Loki is getting the better of people AGAIN purely by sleeping. Go Loki! Clint is also cool here as well.**

**Also. Thanks to everyone who reviewed ^^ It made me so happy to see you enjoyed it~ **

**Keep them reviews coming!**

* * *

**Chapter 7 – Project Hypnosis**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Hypnosis_

_Mission details: hypnotize Loki and get him to tell all his secrets…_

_Plan suggested by: Clint_

* * *

Loki woke up one morning to find himself in a wooden chair and Clint in front of his face.

"Argh!" he jerked back, away from Clint's intense looking face. "What!"

Clint stood up straight. Loki noticed he was handcuffed to the chair again. Two times in one week. He must be setting some record.

"Hey Loki." Clint said finally. "I have something to show you." He said as be pulled out a gleaming coin attached to string and brandished it.

"So?" Loki raised one eyebrow. "It's shiny…yes…?"

"I want you to watch it very closely." Clint said slowly. "Just watch it move." He let the coin go and swung it back and forth. Loki trailed its movements with his eyes.

"That's right…watch it move back and fooorth…back and foooorth…back and fooorth."

Loki swung his head lazily, feeling rather sleepy at the action.

"Good." Clint half whispered, still moving the coin hypnotically. "You are feeling rather sleeeepy, aren't you?"

Loki nodded as he continued to watch the coin, his head moving left and right. "Veeeery sleeeepy." Loki began to mumble.

His eyes fluttered as he watched the coin movie. "You are feeling extreeemly sleepy." Clint murmured, close to Loki's ear. And Loki's eyes fluttered shut. Drool leaked from the corner of his mouth.

Clint straightened up. "Good." He smiled. "Now Loki, listen to me."

He walked around so that he was right behind the Norse god and spoke firmly, but softly. "You're gonna answer all my questions. Like telling me all your embarrassing secrets. Like when was the last time you wet your bed. Or when was the last time you cried for your mummy?"

"Now Loki." Clint whispered. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Yes…" Loki mumbled sleepily, his eyes still closed.

"Good." Clint smiled, a curve of his lips. "When was the last time you saw your girlfriend?"

"Laast…night…" Loki murmured. Clint frowned. Really?

"And tell me." Clint said sharply. "Who is your girlfriend?"

There was a long silence as Loki breathed evenly. Suddenly he jerked up and screamed "Stop feeding me beer, Stark!"

It scared the hell outta Clint.

But then Loki flopped back into the chair and mumbled "beer…beer…Russian punching me…"

Clint facepalmed. The man was god-to-honest asleep. He hadn't been answering anything but in his dreams.

"Curvy…" Loki slurred. Clint looked up hopefully. His hopes were dashed as Loki then said. "Cat suit…"

He was just dreaming of Natasha. Clint stared at Loki for a while longer.

"You gonna tell me anything?"

His answer: a long, deep, drawn-out snore.

Clint punched him in the face.

* * *

**A/N – Aw poor Loki. Punched in the face twice in a row. He is indeed setting some kind of record. The next few chapters will be a bit shorter… No apologies here because they were brilliant good fun to write~Next chapter: Project Game Time.**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Because I sure did. (wicked grin)**


	9. Project Game Time

**A/N – Much shorter as promised. But to make up for it, I'll add another two short chapter tonight~**

* * *

**Chapter 8 – Project Game Time**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Game Time_

_Mission details: lower Loki's guard by playing some scrabble…_

_Plan suggested by: Steve_

* * *

"Loki!" called Steve in a cheerful voice. "Come play some scrabble!"

"Ooh yes!" Loki rubbed his hands gleefully. "I'm great at this game."

The two of them played for a few minutes, stacking tiles furiously. Turns out Loki was pretty good. Then Steve saw his opportunity.

He spelt out: 'Girlfriend?'

Loki sighed. He spelt out: 'Go die'

Loki stood up and walked away.

Steve placed down the last of his tiles: 'sadface'

* * *

**A/N – Isn't Steve the sweetest?**


	10. Project Home Cooking

**A/N – A little chapter that displays Clint's mastery with the cooking pan...**

* * *

**Chapter 9 – Project Home Cooking**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Home Cooking_

_Mission details: placate Loki with home cooking and get answers…_

_Plan suggested by: Clint_

* * *

Loki entered the living room. He was greeted by the sweet scent of cooking. His stomach growled.

"Hey Loki." Smiled Clint, tossing his cooking pan up and down to flip a pancake. "Hungry?"

"Yeah." Loki admitted. He walked next to Clint. "Can I get a pancake with blueberries?"

"Sure." Clint agreed with a glint in his eye. He added blueberries to the batter and poured it into the pan. "If you tell me who your girlfriend is?"

Loki facepalmed. He should've known better. "Not telling." He said flatly, watching his pancakes with care.

"Too bad then." Clint shrugged and flipped the pancakes. Right into Loki's face.

"ARGH!" Loki screamed, running around the living room like a chicken on fire. "My face!"

All Clint did was run one finger along the near-empty bowl and lick the batter. "Yum."

Loki shoved his head under the sink. Clint turned around to look at him, put on hand on his hip and said "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to waste food?"

Loki groaned.

* * *

**A/N – Sorry Loki. But I could totally imagine that scene in my head. Couldn't resist this one (guilty face) **


	11. Project Valentine's Day

**A/N – What's the day you most expect Loki to be with a girl? Valentine's day of course!**

* * *

**Chapter 10 – Project Valentine's Day**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Valentine's Day_

_Mission details: Give Loki chocolate and see if he gives it to his girlfriend…_

_Plan suggested by: Natasha_

* * *

"When given chocolate, guys always think about giving it to girls first, right?" Natasha said. "Especially when it's Valentine's day."

And so that was the plan.

Clint whipped up a batch of homemade chocolate and just as Loki walked past, sniffing the air appreciatively, he mentioned casually "Oh no! I made too many chocolates."

Loki paused.

Clint looked up at Loki. "Hey Loki. Mind taking a few off my hands." He didn't wait for an answer and began piling a bunch of chocolates (the less nice ones) into a very pink box.

He handed it to the Norse god and patted the man on the shoulder. "Go give it to your girlfriend or something." He suggested.

Loki nodded blankly and walked away. He turned around the corner, then lifted the lid and took a great big sniff of the chocolates. He began to drool.

* * *

Natasha crept through the ventilation shaft, watching Loki's progress.

In his room, he had picked up his phone and mumbled something about chocolates. Natasha grinned. This was the moment…

But all Loki did was rub his hands gleefully…and proceed to eat the chocolates.

* * *

**A/N – suffice to say, Clint wasn't happy his chocolates went to Loki. Okay, done for today.**

**Let me know how you liked the last few chapters. Especially let me know if you have any crazy cool ideas~**

**Over and out-**

**Saffa **


	12. Project Dating Councilor

**A/N – Okay, so for tonight I'll give you guys 3 chapters. ^^ Enjoy~**

* * *

**Chapter 11 – Project Dating Councilor**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Dating Councilor_

_Mission details: pretend to be a dating councilor and ask Loki about his love life…_

_Plan suggested by: Clint_

* * *

Loki woke up from his afternoon nap on Stark's sofa to Jarvis' cool voice. "Sir. There's someone at the door."

Loki groaned. He hated being woken up quickly. "Let someone else get the door."

"There's no one else in, sir." Jarvis explained coolly. "So please get off your ass and go get the door."

Loki stared at the source of Jarvis' voice. He raised an eyebrow. Then he got off his ass and went to answer the elevator door. "Who is it?"

The elevator door opened and out stepped a finely dressed man in a business suit and tie.

"Who are you?" Loki said rudely.

The business man gave a small bow. "My name is William Brandt and I'm a professional Dating Councilor."

"Huh…" Loki gaped open-mouthed. "Dating councilor? They exist?"

"Yes, sir." The business man said politely though one eyebrow quirked. "And I've been requested for my services."

"Um. Must be for Stark then." Loki mumbled. "He always had trouble holding his girls."

"No, sir." The business man rolled his eyes. "It's for you."

"Me?"

"Yes you dumbass." The businessman hissed. "So let's get to work.

He shoved Loki down onto a sofa and sat opposite him. He crossed one leg and then looked at Loki. "Very well, sir. Tell me about your love problems."

"Uhh…" Loki stared. "I have no love problems."

"Surely, sir, you have a girlfriend." Brandt said curtly.

A sly look came over Loki's face. "Sorry, _sir_, I'm afraid you're mistaken. I have a boyfriend."

Brandt stared at him for the longest of times, open-mouthed. Loki prodded his face, then felt something was wrong. He pinched the skin and pulled at it, stretching it impossibly long. Loki then let go and the material snapped backwards.

"Damn you Prongs." a voice growled. One hand grabbed the face and pulled off – it was a mask. Underneath was Clint. "Didn't your mother ever tell you to not touch things that didn't belong to you?"

Loki gave an awkward giggle. "Ehehehehe…"

* * *

**A/N – I had to slide in Loki's awesome laugh somewhere. So it might as well be here~**


	13. Project Halloween

**A/N – Yes, yes. I know it's not Halloween yet. But come on, this one was fuuuun~~~**

* * *

**Chapter 12 – Project Halloween**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Halloween_

_Mission details: scare Loki and get the info…_

_Plan suggested by: Thor_

* * *

It was Halloween and Thor was fascinated by the Midgarian festivity. He had great fun running around with the pumpkins and decorating Stark's room with black cloth.

However, he had been greatly upset by the fact he couldn't go trick or treating. Under any circumstances. Natasha made him swear that. Scaring little kids was out of the equation as well. Thor thought he was in for a boring night. Instead, Tony suggested he scare Loki.

And so the next plan was concocted.

* * *

A soft, ghostly knocking came at Loki's door. He had refused to come out, believing Halloween to be a ridiculous Midgarian excuse to pig out on candy. It was not, of course, because Loki was scared of ghosts. Impossible!

But this knocking was eerie. Loki sat up slowly and called out "Who is it?"

"Meeeee…" came a shaky voice.

Loki stiffened. "Me who?" he asked, not trembling of course.

"Oooopen the doooooor…and yoooouuu shall seeeeee…." Came the deep, rumbling voice. Loki stood up. There was no way there were any ghosts and he was going to prove it.

He threw the door open.

And screamed.

Because right in front of him was a fluttering white…thing! It was large, built like a giant and white as chalk. It shifted terribly as if uncomfortable and rocked back and forth, leaning far too close for Loki's likeness. And then it lunged for him, crying out "LOOOOOOOKKKKIIIIII!"

Loki couldn't help it. He fainted. Right there and then.

Thor threw off the white bedsheets and gave his brother an irritated look. "Brother." He complained. "You are not supposed to faint yet. I have not commanded you to 'trick or treat' yet." Thor grumbled. "I also haven't asked you who your mortal love is, either." He added as a side note.

Clint patted the Norse god on his shoulder. "Don't worry about the girlfriend thing." He said solemnly. "This was even better."

Natasha chucked him a packet of sweets. "There you go. Your trick or treating completed." Thor smiled and looked like he was about to give Natasha a great big hug but she slipped away before he could touch her. She sauntered over to prod Loki with one foot.

"Out like a light." She commented with a sniff.

Meanwhile in the corner, Tony was filming Loki in close up.

"Like taking candy from a baby." He sniggered.

* * *

**A/N – Done~**


	14. Project Movie Marathon

**A/N – This chapter was inspired by Linnadra. So I hope you enjoy it all~ It was a very good idea...oooh dear poooor Loki…what there is in store for you~**

* * *

**Chapter 13 – Project Movie Marathon**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Movie Marathon_

_Mission details: threaten Loki to spill the beans with certain…types of movies…_

_Plan suggested by: Linnadra_

* * *

Loki woke up, cuffed to a chair – AGAIN – for the third time that week. If this was becoming some sort of habit, he really didn't like it.

So there he was. Tied to Stark's goddam chair in Stark's goddam living room and in front of Stark's goddam 152 inch HD TV screen. (Yes Loki knew about TVs). Could this get any worse?

Why of course it could.

Because goddam Stark walked into the room and planted himself right in front of Loki's face. The way he crossed his arms and grinned widely unnerved Loki.

"Hello Loki." He purred.

"Hello Stark." Loki replied in a false high-falsetto voice. He smiled, showing all his pearly-whites. Tony winced. Then Loki's face soured. "Waddya want?"

This time Tony mock-winced. "Ouch, someone's not a morning person."

"Not when they wake up in a chair AGAIN." Loki muttered. "Some would say you're developing a REALLY bad habit."

"Psh." Tony tittered. "Bad habit implies it has an adverse effect on the person. And I rather feel the opposite."

"Now." Tony rubbed his hands together with glee. "I've got just the thing to wake you up!"

Loki really didn't like the sound of that.

Tony dashed around the living room, sliding a disc into the DVD machine and then turning on the TV. However he paused what was about to play and turned around to look at Loki with a VERY evil grin on his face.

"Feel like telling me who your girlfriend is yet?"

Loki raised one eyebrow and stuck out his tongue. "In your dreams, sucker."

Tony shrugged. He expected the initial resistance. However even Loki would not be able to fight what was coming next. "Too bad then." He commented and pressed play. With that, Tony gave Loki a good bye wave and ran out of the room.

Loki turned back to look at the TV screen…and started panicking.

Because the movie was Twilight.

* * *

**A/N – See~ That's what happens when someone gives me an idea. It becomes a chapter and you get one happy author! Thanks to Linnadra for the brilliant idea! So people, gimme more. Gimme gimme gimme~**

**Also, just in case for fans of the Twilight films. I personally don't hate Twilight just like some people don't hate Justin Beiber. But hey, we all find it fun when they get insulted. So live a little people!**

**Well that's me for tonight. Over and out-**

**Saffa **


	15. Project Movie Marathon Mark II

**A/N – Chapter 13 gave me inspiration to write this chapter and the next one. Because well…it is a movie marathon…so you gotta have more than one movie. Enjoy Loki~**

* * *

**Chapter 14 – Project Movie Marathon Mark II**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Movie Marathon Mark II_

_Mission details: continue using the threat of the Twilight movies to get info from Loki…_

_Plan suggested by: Thor_

* * *

Loki's head was lolling. He had been watching this infernal movie about sparkly vampires and this pale girl who seemed to always walk into danger for about an hour and a half. An hour and a half of torture.

And only just as the credits started rolling did Stark walk into the room, looking annoyingly chipper. He stood behind Loki watching the credits appear and then commented. "So Loki."

Loki was so not in the mood for a 'so loki' session. He groaned.

"Are you ready to tell me who your girlfriend is yet?" Tony prompted.

Loki let out an exhausted moan. "Bleeearghh…"

"Loki, Loki, Loki…" Tony mock-sighed and shook his head. Then he walked around so that he looked at Loki in the face again. He looked at Loki the way a head master looks at a particularly disobedient child. Like the child had been bad on purpose and should try to clean up his act. "What should we do with you?"

"Let me go back to bed?" Loki asked hopefully. That hope was dashed the minute the living room door was flung open violently.

"Luckily for you," Tony continued, ignoring Loki completely. "Your dear brother came up with a brilliant idea."

Loki didn't like the sound of this brilliant idea.

Because in came Thor holding three DVDs. He grinned wide-mouthed at Loki and said. "Dear brother, Tony has told me you were recently acquainted with the Twilight movie."

"Forced acquaintance, more like it." Loki grumbled.

"Therefore," Thor continued in a tone that Loki knew would invariably lead to something worse. "I brought the other three movies!"

If Loki could facepalm, he would've. But let's be kind and remember he's still tied up.

So he sat there and tried not to cry as Thor inserted the DVD of New Moon and sat down next to him joyfully. "Oh brother." Thor smiled. "You are going to LOVE this movie. I've watched it already."

"Brilliant." Loki said listlessly. He closed his eyes as the title scene of New Moon began.

"We're going to watch the whole series all night long!" Thor exclaimed excitedly.

"Then I'll leave it up to you two." Tony took this moment as a perfect time to skedaddle right outta there. "Good brotherly bonding time." He added.

If Loki could, he would've rubbed his temples. But let's be kind and remember he's still tied up.

So he decided it was high time to try and sleep before this movie began.

But that possibility was dashed when Thor turned up the sound, making it impossible to sleep. Even more so when Thor began crunching on popcorn and sipping soda.

"Popcorn?" Thor offered.

Loki groaned. The TRUE torture had only just begun.

* * *

**A/N – So there we go. A proper movie marathon! I suppose the Harry Potter movies would have been better because theres 8 of them. But they aren't really that torturous. Unless you sat there honestly through all 8 movies non-stop…I think you might die then. **

**This chapter made me wonder how those people did it. Watch 7 movies of HP non-stop and then watch the eighth one. Gotta give them props. **


	16. Project Movie Marathon: the failing

**A/N – Sorry people, couldn't resist this bit. I mean the whole wondering about how people survive through eight or even four movies got me to this. This isn't really a mission, but just a random sidenote as to how Loki fared. **

**So enjoy~**

* * *

**Chapter 15 – Project Movie Marathon: the failing**

* * *

Loki sat in the chair. He tried to ignore the movie on the screen. Maybe he could get himself out of this.

"Ummm." He called out loudly over the sounds of the TV. "I need to go toilet."

Silence.

"Ummm." He tried even louder. "TOILET!"

More silence.

Next to him, Thor snored. So much for loving the movies. He had fallen asleep face-first in the popcorn box.

"HELPPPPP!" Loki screamed, desperate now.

Suddenly a calm, collected voice appeared out of nowhere.

"Sorry sir." said Jarvis coolly. "Everyone has gone out for the night. Mr. Stark suggested dinner so as to…not disturb your brotherly bonding time. Therefore, please enjoy your night and make sure not to disturb the neighbors.

"You have no neighbors!" Loki yelled. "It's a freaking tower."

He was met with more silence. And a bit of snoring. Okay, a very godly level of snoring. Loki supposed he'd have to resign himself to staying in this chair. Only two more movies to go.

Suddenly Loki groaned.

Because now he REALLY needed to go to the toilet.

* * *

**A/N - *guilty face* **


	17. Project Truth

**A/N – It's time for Bruce to re-enter into the planning process ! Let's go!**

* * *

**Chapter 16 – Project Truth**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Truth_

_Mission details: use truth serum on Loki and see what he spills…_

_Plan suggested by: Bruce_

* * *

The FINAL movie had just ended and Loki let out a relieved sigh. Next to him Thor was alternating between clapping ecstatically and crying over the lack of the last movie.

"Untie me now, brother." He said darkly. But he was ignored because Thor fell promptly asleep again. Loki groaned. This was not good. He didn't want to recall what had happened after his sudden toilet need and he certainly didn't know how desperate he would be to satisfy his hunger needs. Suffice to say he wasn't going to start eating his shirt. At least not yet. He wasn't that desperate.

As if hearing his thoughts, Bruce entered the room.

"Save me." Loki pleaded. "Untie me, the ropes are chafing."

Bruce smiled reassuring and untied the rope around Loki's hands. Loki looked at Bruce as if he was an angel descending to earth.

"Thank you so so so so so so much." Loki weeped.

"Now, now." Bruce said gruffly, unsure what to do with a teary-eyed Loki. "Eat this." Bruce brought out a dish of what looked like pork stew and bread. Loki looked at Bruce with a wide mouth. After his previous experiences, he had expected everyone in the tower had it for him. Except for Bruce. Bruce had done nothing but nice things. And Loki couldn't help but trust him.

"Thank you." Loki smiled as he tucked into the meal. It took him about 5 seconds after polishing his meal off to realize something was wrong. "What…did you…put in there?" he muttered.

"Truth serum." Bruce admitted. "I thought it would be more…humane than the other things we've done."

Loki wouldn't really agree.

"So Loki." Bruce said as the other Avengers entered the living room to see the results of Bruce's plan. "Who's you're girlfriend?"

Loki giggled.

Bruce leaned away from Loki as if he was a contagious disease. Suddenly Loki gushed out words. "My name is Loki Laufeyson and I am burdened with glorious purpose." Tony facepalmed. "I have a pet jfrarl called Lenon and my favorite food is officially pork stew. I think I am in love with Bruce." Bruce gagged here. "And I hate Tony Stark."

Steve choked on his glass of water. He spewed the contents in a beautiful fountain over Tony's wooden table. Tony frowned. Natasha however tried to muffle her laughter. "Well at least we know he's telling the truth." Clint hid his dark smile.

Tony was officially irritated. "Loki, tell me who's your girlfriend."

Loki looked up at him. Then he started frothing at the mouth. And short-circuited.

"Oh dear." Bruce said. "I think him being a god made the truth serum go funny. I think he's overheating."

Because sure enough there was steam coming out of Loki's head.

"Ooh." Clint jumped up and down. "Let's grill sausages."

Tony skipped the sausages and just got alcohol.

* * *

**A/N – Btw I made up the jfrarl thing. It doesn't exist. Or at least I don't think it exists. If it did I suppose it would look like a sausage on legs with long prongs. You know, like Loki's helmet. After all, that's his favorite feature. **


	18. Project Double Dating

**A/N – An extra chapter because it's the weekend! Just thought Pepper should have some showtime as well.**

* * *

**Chapter 17 – Project Double Dating**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Double Dating_

_Mission details: offer a double date opportunity and see who Loki brings along…_

_Plan suggested by: Pepper_

* * *

For once, it was Pepper was suggested a plan. Of course Tony had to go and propel the plan out of normal proportions.

But it had started a good and very innocent plan.

* * *

"Loki!" Pepper called from down the hallway.

Loki responded immediately. He trusted Pepper far more than any of the men – or women – in Stark towers. "Yes?"

"Tony and I were thinking about going out tonight. For dinner." She said, bringing him some coffee. "Would you like to come?"

Loki stopped there. Dinner with Pepper was fine. Dinner with Pepper AND Tony was not cool.

"Uh? The three of us?" he stammered. "Is that sensible?"

"Well," Pepper smiled brightly. "I was thinking you should bring someone along with you. A girlfriend or something. Make it a…double date!"

Loki groaned into his coffee. Trust Stark to get Pepper in on the gig. There was nowhere safe for Loki anymore.

"So Loki?" Pepper prompted. "You coming?"

Loki paused, thinking for a moment. Then he grinned evilly into his coffee.

"Of course, Pepper." He said smoothly. "Count me in."

* * *

That night Pepper was dressed to impress in a silk red dress. Beside her, Tony was primed in his dark blue suit. Loki had told them to go ahead to the restaurant so that he could…pick up his 'date' in style.

So Pepper and Tony went ahead to the restaurant and left Jarvis to program the car to drive to where Loki wanted first and then to the restaurant. Jarvis would be keeping a sharp eye on Loki.

At five past eight, Pepper and Tony had arrived at a classy French restaurant and were looking over the menu. However, they were distracted, worrying more about Loki and his supposed girlfriend.

"Sir," a waiter informed them. "Loki and his…'date' have arrived."

"Good." Tony rubbed his hands together. "Guide them in." He craned his neck, eager to see the real deal. And he suddenly spotted Loki, making his way forwards to the table. And right behind him was-

Fury.

Tony slammed his face into the table. Pepper scolded him for that.

But Tony didn't care. Because there was Loki, sitting down at the table with a smug expression on his face and Nick Fury right beside him. Fury looked extremely uncomfortable and spoke immediately in a stiff voice. "Agent Stark." He muttered. "What's the news you have for me?"

"News?" Tony raised an eyebrow. "What news?"

Fury frowned. "Loki here told me you had some important news that could only be imparted over the guise of dinner. So I came."

It was Tony's turn to groan. He chose to ignore Fury for now. Instead, he turned to the grinning Norse god with a death glare that sent Loki scuttling backwards. And bumping into Fury.

Then, Fury who suddenly understood the situation gave Loki a death-stare of his own. Loki scooted away from the other man and found himself trapped between two evil glares.

"Ummm…" Loki smiled uneasily. "Peace and love?"

* * *

That night Loki found himself sleeping in the garbage dump.

"Trash should go where trash goes." Stark had said as he opened the rubbish chute and dropped the Norse god in. "See you in the morning when they come to collect the rubbish." He smiled.

Loki slept fitfully that night amongst the horrible smell. And in the morning, he woke to the sounds of screams as the rubbish collectors thought they had found a dead body.

God knows he smelt like one.

* * *

**A/N – truthfully I've always wanted to try sliding down the rubbish chute. Well except if it hadn't been so smelly…or dark…**


	19. Project TV Trauma

**A/N – Okay, so this story was inspired by HellsTheTwerd and Comiccrazygothgirl who reviewed and gave me some ideas. I thought they were similar to I coupled them together in this chapter. Thanks for idea, hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

**Chapter 18 – Project TV Trauma**

* * *

_Mission name: Project TV Trauma_

_Mission details: traumatize Loki with various…children TV programs till he tells the truth…_

_Plan suggested by:__HellsTheTwerd and Comiccrazygothgirl_

* * *

"Dear Loki," Stark said purring. "Would you like to join us for a spot of television?"

Loki was instantly suspicious. Never before had he been asked so nicely. It had always been Loki come here or Loki go there or Loki wake up because you were already tied in a chair so it's time for the torture to begin.

So Loki was naturally suspicious. "What sort…of television?" he asked warily.

"Ah, come see." Stark said heartily. Loki nodded slowly and all of a sudden Stark pushed Loki forcefully from behind out into the living room and into a chair. In the matter of a few seconds, the ropes were knotted and Loki was tied to the chair…yet again. The novelty though was that he had been asked nicely this time. What a change.

"You know the drill." Clint whistled from where he sat on the sofa, feet resting on the table and remote in one hand. "Who's your girlfriend?"

Loki stuck out a tongue. "Your mother." He retorted.

Clint's eyes darkened. "Good thing I don't have one." He smirked. Loki gulped.

"So," Stark said, dragging the attention back to him again. "If you're not going to tell us who your girlfriend is, then I guess we should…occupy your spare time elsewise." He pointed to the TV.

"Not the Twilight series again." Loki groaned. "You put them on replay so many times I've memorized the first two movies word for word. It's a terrifying ability. Not one I'm proud of."

"Of course not." Tony scoffed. "Those movies are so out of date."

"Instead," Clint smiled evilly. "We decided you should choose the program this time."

"Oh lucky me." Loki gulped. "And what are the…delectable…choices before me?"

Clint whipped out two discs. They were frightfully pink and blue and had these infernal cuddly creatures on the cover. Loki squinted as he looked at the covers. One was of pink ponies. The other was of brightly colored bears!

"What is that?" Loki couldn't help but ask with horror.

Clint grinned. "A children's favorite. Back by popular demand. My Little Pony and Care Bears."

Even the name sounded dastardly.

Loki felt a chill run down his spine. "Is this what you make your offspring watch?" he asked horrified. "No wonder Midgarians are becoming stupider by the generation. You need help!" he yelped. "I mean, you were meant to be ruled. And this is why!"

Clint scoffed. "We were meant to be ruled? So that you could ban Care Bears and My Little Pony?"

Even Tony could not help snorting. "Then," he laughed. "I guess we'll have to educate you on why these children…programs…are so important to human culture. Which one first?"

Loki felt like crying. "Any other choices?" And of course Clint and Stark just had to shake their heads.

"I'd rather not watch either."

"Then," Stark proposed sounding overly joyful. "I think it would be best for you to become…acquainted as soon as possible. So…." He trailed off and dashed into another room. He came out bearing a second TV, slightly smaller but still over 100 inches. Loki gulped. Because Tony set up the second TV and slid each disk into each television.

Loki stared at Stark with dismay. "Are you…are you making me watch BOTH at the SAME TIME?"

Now it was Clint's turn to look gleeful. "Oh yeah." He said as he picked up both remotes in each hand. "Ready to spill the beans yet?"

Loki looked pale as a ghost but shook his head ever so slightly.

"Well then." Tony said shortly. "You'll find out why humans were never meant to be ruled. Enjoy."

And then Tony and Clint left the room, leaving two glaringly bright TV shows in front of Loki's face. They hadn't even exited the door before the screams started.

Suffice to say, from that day on, every time one of the Avengers said 'care bear' or 'little pony' or even flashed something bright pink, Loki would scream, fall to the floor and roll about in a tiny ball. You could say he developed something of an intensely-pink-children-program phobia.

Also, suffice to say. No doctor was ever able to cure it.

* * *

**A/N – Ouch, sorry Loki. Both at one time was a…little…harsh… (smile)**

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far! It makes writing these stories worth it~ So please keep reviewing. I have a near obsessive need to keep checking on the reviews and every new review makes me jump with joy. Until next time~**

**Oh and Happy Father's Day to all dad's out there...if there are any reading. Hope you enjoy the day. **


	20. Project Grandmother

**A/N – I don't know how this idea came into my mind. But just as I was about to go to bed, the thought of grandmothers filled my head. (no I did not mean for that to rhyme) and so I wrote it down quickly and the next morning this story churned out. If any of you have those doting grandmothers, you'll know what I mean.**

* * *

**Chapter 19: Project Grandmother**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Grandmother_

_Mission details: threaten Loki with the godly power of grandmothers…_

_Plan suggested by: Steve_

* * *

Steve remembered his one visit to an old folks home. It had begun very sweetly with introductions and then progressed to nice food around a table. But then the night had ended with fireside stories…and then the horror revealed itself…

So Steve thought if anything, Loki should be subjected to the same treatment.

And that was the next plan.

* * *

Loki came out of his room to find a room full of elderly women. He took two steps back. This was not what he expected first thing in the morning. For a moment, he thought about a tactical retreat. Even skipping breakfast might be worth it.

But then Steve suddenly appeared behind him. He gave Loki an uncharacteristically wicked grin and said "Ready to tell us who your girlfriend is?"

Loki scoffed. "Of course not."

"Then," Steve shrugged. "Come meet my friends."

He propelled the unwilling Loki forwards into the living room. Their entry caught the attention of the women closest to the door. She stood up and gasped happily when she saw Loki.

"Oh Steve." She smiled. "Loki is as adorable as you told us."

Loki gagged. Adorable? Him, Loki? The Norse God of Mischief who should inspire terror with his very presence was being called CUTE?

Steve pushed Loki down into the chair next to the old woman who spoke. Immediately she latched her hands onto his arm and cooed. "So Loki, tell me about yourself."

"Uhh…" Loki stammered. "My name is Loki Layfeyson and I am burdened with glorious purpose."

"Burdened!" gasped the women collectively. "You poor soul."

They crowded around his even more, making Loki sweat figuratively and stiffen. Steve snickered and slid out of the room whilst their attention were occupied, leaving Loki to a fate worse than death.

Because right there and then, the women continued patting his arm and back whilst sniffling about his terrible fate. And then they chatted about how adorable he was and that he should think about his future more carefully.

"Do you have a woman in your life Loki?" one lady called Emilia asked.

"Uhhhh…that's a little…complicated." Loki muttered, knowing Stark had probably laid listening devices across the whole room.

"Oh no!" the women gasped again. "You poor thing. You poor misguided child. We must talk more about you." The said, nodding sagely and then patting him even more.

"No…" Loki started, struggling to get away. But the grandmothers had a grip like iron. They wouldn't let him go. And then the worst part started.

Because Emilia leaned in as if to pat his cheek (which had already happened several times), but this time…began to pinch his cheeks!

Inside his head, Loki started screaming. Because the other grandmothers starting pinching as well.

That night, Loki went to bed with VERY sore and VERY stretched cheeks. He vowed to never go within five miles of a grandmother again.

It was too dangerous to risk.

* * *

**A/N – Sorry Loki. This idea was too good to not write. ^^ Teehee**

**So I've got to say a HUGE thanks to everyone so far for reviewing. I mean this the 2nd most reviewed fanfic i have. It truly means something special. **

**So thanks to ****HellsTheTwerd for the constant crazy-awesome ideas**

**windrunner123 for being psychic AND coming out with super long reviews. (Don't worry about the length. The LONGER the BETTER in my opinion ^^), **

**Comiccrazygothgirl for the sweet review. You have my condolences and i'm just glad i could make you smile. **

**Amber Neagaze for the GREAT idea. I plan to use it, but you gotta wait for a few chapters first. **

**Linnadra, what can i say. You're like the one constant reviewer i can always count on. LOVE YOU! Please keep posting! And yes, if i could i would give you all**** marshmallow filled stuffed honeybagers raining from the sky with free chocolate! Since i physically can't, i'll do it virtually with hugs and kisses. **

**Pergjithshme (your name was difficult to write! but it's a cool name!)**

**********DhampyrX2 for the HILARIOUS review that made me fall off my seat laughing. **

**Lolled**, **Smiley**, **azure1996, ****RedEyedMotorbikes, ****TheMagentaColor and ****spockslovechild for the short and sweet reviews. **

**In short, thanks everyone! And please do keep reviewing~**


	21. Project Fangirl

**A/N – Let's pretend Coulson's alive again! It fits perfectly here and we all love Coulson after all~**

**Also, i felt really bad for Linnadra because right before i submitted this chapter, she kinda...guessed what it would be about... Sorry But she did come out with another brilliant idea that i promise will get done some time soon. So props to her for being psychic and here's the next chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter 20 – Project Fangirls**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Fangirl_

_Mission details: threaten Loki with fangirls and see what he spills…_

_Plan suggested by: Steve_

* * *

_One day in SHIELD HQ…_

"Hey Coulson!" Steve called out. Coulson stopped, turned around and then jumped five feet in the air.

"Captain America!" he screamed gleefully. Then at Steve's stern look he changed his mind. "I mean Steve." Steve wanted them to be on close terms after all. "What's up?" Coulson asked, trying to be professional but unable to stop bouncing up and down.

Steve followed Coulson's jumping movement and then said "You know you run the Captain America fanclub."

"Yes?"

"I was wondering if there was a…Loki fanclub somewhere?"

Coulson's eyes darkened. "No." he said shortly. Then a sudden look of inspiration grew in his eyes. "But there is something else…"

* * *

Loki opened his bedroom door carefully. He opened a small crack and peered through the hole, looking for any signs of trouble. When all seemed clear he stepped out. Funnily enough, the entire floor seemed empty. Loki gave a sigh of relief, maybe today would be a nice and quiet day.

Loki decided to go for a walk. He got permission from HQ, stepped into the lift and then…suddenly the lift stopped halfway down. And a voice filled the lift "WHO IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND?"

It was undeniably Steve's voice, computerized. Loki shook his head and facepalmed. Even in the lift he was harassed. "Not telling." He yelled. There was a pause, and then the lift continued downwards. Loki was shocked, never before had he been let off so easily.

He should've known better.

Because the moment the lift doors slid open and Loki stepped out, he was met with a humongous roar of cheering and screaming. Loki felt half-deaf.

He looked at the sight before him. About a thousand girls (and a few guys) were crowded around the entrance of Stark towers. They were pointing at him, whispering about him or cheering about him. Loki was floored. What had happened? Did the Midgarians finally recognize him as their ruler?

He took a step forwards, meaning to ask someone something. But then something white was shoved into his face. Paper and pen.

"Sign this for me!" a girl screamed. "Shake my hand!" another yelled. "Take a photo with me!"

Loki's head spun dizzily. What on Asgard was going on!

"I mean, you're him right?" one girl cheered.

"Him?"

"Tom Hiddlestone!" they screamed in unison.

"WHAT!" Loki yelled back, equally loud. For a moment, there was a deafening silence as all the fangirls (and a few fanguys) grew quiet.

"Who's Tom Hiddlestone?" Loki asked to the crowd.

"You of course." One brave girl spoke back. "I mean you look like him. And Captain America apparently told Coulson – he runs the Captain America fanclub – that you would appear out of Stark towers today. So…aren't you Tom Hiddlestone?"

"Of course not!" Loki scoffed. "I am Loki and I am burdened with glorious-"

He stopped halfway because paper filled his mouth.

"What!" a girl yelled angrily. "You're not Tom Hiddlestone! Then I'm wasting my time here."

There was much a grumbling and stomping as people grew angry. Loki stared at them for a while, unsure as to how to react. Then all of a sudden they decided it was his fault. So they started throwing screwed up bits of paper, pens, glowsticks and somehow (where they got it from Loki didn't know) tomatoes and other fruits. Suffice to say, the fruit vendors down town had good business that day.

"Hey!" Loki yelled, trying to get back into Stark towers. Jarvis however refused him entrance. "Let me go! Why are you throwing these infernal Midgarian consumption goods at me! Let me back in!"

"I bet he tricked Captain America." One guy yelled. And there was an agreement amongst the crowd. They continued throwing a myriad of items at poor little Loki. And all Loki could do was huddle into a tiny ball and hope the fruit vendors would run out of produces soon.

Unfortunately, the fruit vendors were delighted with the sudden demand and so immediately ordered quick delivery for more. So it wasn't till nightfall that Loki's job as target ended.

* * *

**A/N – Now you know the power of fangirls and guys. It's terrifying. Right?**

**Keep reviewing please~ It made me higher than the empire state **


	22. Project Ghosts

**A/N – Another festival one. Not as funny as most and I'm not entirely sure I followed the story word for word. But oh, well. Loki gets freaked out again. Enjoy~**

* * *

**Chapter 21 – Project Ghosts**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Ghosts_

_Mission details: scare Loki with some Xmas fables…_

_Plan suggested by: Thor_

* * *

Thor had just been introduced to Midgarian Christmas. He found the tinsel stylish, the Christmas cakes appetizing and the songs to be made for him (almost…at least no one fainted when he starting singing them). Suffice to say it would end in terror for Loki.

Why? Because Steve introduced him to the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future.

And Thor HAD to tell Loki the story.

* * *

Loki was asleep.

He hadn't been bothered with more Midgarian festivities of eating and dancing and cheering. The last one (Halloween) had gone down badly in history. He didn't expect this one to be any better.

So he had locked his door and gone to bed. He was in the middle of a peaceful dream about ruling the world and forcing bitches to kneel when he could swear that the door just creaked open.

But he was half-asleep and saw nobody. So he rolled over, ready to fall asleep again and-

And saw three white ghosts.

"ARGH!" Loki screamed, falling off his bed.

One ghost swayed forwards. In a creepy voice, it groaned. "I am the ghost of Christmas past. And I am here to waaaaarn you of your misdeeds."

"Misdeeds!" Loki said indignantly, hugging his pillow close. "Whatever are you blabbing about…you…you…floaty white thing!"

"I waaarrn you…" the ghost moaned again, making Loki shift back nervously. "As a child you were small and frail. You had no friends. You were always a shadow. Would you let that continue?"

"Shut up!" Loki snarled. "I was a brilliant genius of a child. I had the best scores in school!"

The first ghost shrugged and stepped backwards. Suddenly a second ghost appeared at Loki's shoulder, making him jump and scoot away.

"I am the ghost of Christmas present. And I am here to waaaaarn you of your misdeeds."

"Misdeeds, my ass." Loki pished.

"You currently hurt people with your trickery. You dance about like a mountain goat with tap shoes on. Your very presence makes other people wince."

Loki gaped openly. "I had dancing lessons as a child! I'll have you know I won awards in Asgard."

The ghost stepped away snickering and a third ghost appeared. It was…huge. It towered above him and rumbled. "I am the ghost of Christmas forever…I mean future. And I am here to waaaaarn you of your misdeeds."

"Shut up!" Loki was wailing now. "Leave me alone. What do you want?"

"I see your future…I see a small blue being and a toilet. It looks very…dingy…"

"I give up! Tell me what you want."

"Repent!" all three ghosts wailed, sounding very much like a horror story. "Repent!"

"Okay, okay!" Loki sobbed. "How do I repent?"

"All you need to do…" one ghost took a step forwards. "Is…"

"Is?" Loki asked hopefully.

"Is to tell us who your girlfriend is."

Loki lit up. "That's easy. You see-"

Then he stopped realizing what he was about to say. He gave the three ghosts immensely dirty looks, then he grabbed the white cloth of the ghost in front of him and pulled it off revealing Tony underneath. Tony shrugged and smiled, completely unashamed.

The other two ghosts de-clothed revealing Thor as the ghost of Christmas future and Steve as the ghost of Christmas past. They both grinned.

"I knew it was a trick." Loki declared, puffing up his chest. "I was just playing you all." He lied.

"Sure you did." Tony snickered. "Because you certainly was just crying your head off as an act, right?"

Loki gave him an evil glare. "I was just a little…distracted by your ghostly antics." He sniffed.

Steve raised an eyebrow. "You thought this mountain," he pointed at Thor. "Was a ghost? I don't think they come in size XXXXL."

Loki felt his face burn.

Tony laughed out loud. "At least spot our sneakers below the cloth." He snorted.

Loki looked down. Indeed he saw a pair of bright green sneakers.

He would never live down this shame.

Tony made sure of it.

* * *

**A/N – Okay, just a small spot of fun. I loved the story 'A Christmas Carol' and had to use it. I know it's not xmas yet…but a girl can dream it is, right?**


	23. Project Rat Run

**A/N – Oookay, next chapter UP! This one was inspired by windrunner123 who said that since mind games don't seem to work on Loki, a physical game perhaps would be better. And so, the result? This time it's Clint's turn to hold the spotlight on Loki. **

**Enjoy~**

* * *

**Chapter 22 – Project Rat Run**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Rat Run_

_Mission details: force Loki to tell the truth under pain of physical exertion…_

_Plan suggested by: windrunner123_

* * *

When Loki woke up today, it wasn't in his bed with ghosts in his face or tied to a chair. No. It was worse. He was locked in a cage.

"Why," Loki wailed on his knees, praying to the heavens above. "Why can I never wake up normally."

"Where's the fun in that?" came a voice from above. Clint's.

"Why," Loki groaned, looking skyward at Clint. "Why must you be in the way of my prayer to the gods."

"My duty." Clint said bluntly. "Now, let's get the show on the road."

"What are we doing today?" Loki sighed, resigning himself to the next piece of torture.

"It's called a Rat Run!" Clint said proudly, spreading his arms widely at the obstacle course laid out before Loki's eyes. The entire room (which was huge) was a ginormous maze of barred walls and ledges. Clint smiled from above.

"And what…do I do?"

"You run." Clint shrugged. "Get to the end and you win. Or you could make it easier for yourself and just fess up as to who your girlfriend is."

"Not telling." Loki sat down cross-legged and cross-armed. "And you aren't going to make me move from here."

Clint grinned evilly. "And that's what you think."

"That's what I know-" Loki retorted but then stopped as Clint pulled out his bow and one arrow. "What are you doing?" Loki asked though he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

"Giving you motivation."

Clint drew his bow and aimed straight at Loki. Through the bars, there was plenty of space for him to fire comfortably. And not enough space for Loki to escape of course. Loki jumped as the arrow landed right where he had just been sitting.

"Hey!" Loki protested. "I could've ended up as Loki-pine (you know, por-cu-pine)."

Clint smirked. "Like I care." Then he pulled out another arrow and aimed it accurately. Thinking of self-preservation, Loki ran forwards like a headless chicken.

"Yankee Doodle went to town, A-riding on a pony," Clint sang as he jogged after Loki on the bars above. He fired another arrow as Loki faltered at a two-way path. As the arrow sailed through the air, Loki jumped and chose the left path. "Stuck a feather in his cap, and called it macaroni!"

"You don't need to sing, you know!" Loki yelled backwardly as he ran forwards. In front of him was a giant wall. He paused, wondering how he could cross it gracefully. But then another arrow came and he decided to fuck all gracefulness and just slung himself over. Loki fell in a heap on the other side.

"Of course I do." Clint smiled. "Must keep things cheerful."

He pulled out another arrow, this one actually pricking Loki on the back of his padded vest (Pepper had made Tony let Loki wear one for safety). Loki yelped and then ran forwards further.

"Next song!" Clint cheered as he jogged after Loki. This time Loki was confronted with a lake. He waded through it without hesitation. "I wish you a merry Christmas, I wish you a merry Christmas."

"Isn't it…a bit…out of date!" Loki huffed.

"I wish you a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year." Clint continued. "Good tidings to you-"

"I have no good tidings!" Loki complained.

"And you and your king!"

"I am the king!"

"I wish you a merry Christmas and a Terrible New Year." Clint finished and aimed another arrow where Loki was collapsed on the other side of the bank. It stuck like a burr on his side.

"I'm moving!" Loki grumbled.

"You could always just say who your girlfriend is." Clint sung.

"In your dreams." Loki spat, getting up and running forwards to where there was a rope. He grabbed the rope, ran a few feet backwards and then jumped. The rope swung him forwards and he fell in a heap on the other side, gasping for breath.

"Good thing this is a pretty substitute for a dream." Clint smirked. "Keep moving!"

But Loki had enough. He lay spread-eagled on the ground, groaning and moaning.

"Oi!" Clint called. "Moooove!"

"Nooo…" Loki flopped on the floor. "I'm not telling and I'm not moving."

"Suit yourself." Clint shrugged, pulling out several more arrows and letting them loose.

* * *

That night, Loki returned to his bedroom looking very much like a porcupine. In fact, Jarvis nearly denied him access to the living room because he didn't look like Loki at all. He groaned, plucked out the arrows and fell into bed. In moments, he was snoring and dreaming about him being a turkey and chased by porcupines.

Suffice to say, it was not a good dream.

* * *

**A/N – Did you like it? Next chapter will be a follow up of this one. Aftermath so to speak.**


	24. Project Rat Run: the aftermath

**A/N – You could say this is the aftermath of that terrible rat run… Poor Loki. The pain never stops.**

* * *

**Chapter 23 – Project Rat Run: the aftermath**

* * *

The next morning, Loki woke up feeling very prickly. He rolled out of bed, intending to get something breakfast-y. But the minute he opened his door, he was distracted by the loud TV blaring. Loki wondered out into the hallway, intending to see what was up.

And he was met with a loud roaring of laughter.

What was so intriguing? Loki took three steps forwards, peered closely and then his jaw dropped. Because on the screen was a video of him.

Loki in the Rat Run. Loki groaned and facepalmed.

Tony snorted as Loki jumped aside, narrowly avoiding an arrow. He spewed out his alcohol as Loki ran clumsily into the wall. Loki sank to the ground.

Then Bruce started chuckling, honestly chuckling! It was at the bit where Loki flopped over the wall and collapsed into a pile. He dropped a chip half-eaten. Loki moaned and clawed the ground, shuffling forwards so that he was next to the arm chair.

Clint was outright laughing and pointing at where his arrow struck Loki. It was just at the part when Loki waded through the water and Clint pierced an arrow into his ass. Loki covered his eyes.

Finally there was Natasha. She was keeled over, laughing too hard to be able to stand straight. He could hear the sounds of himself collapsing to the floor. Loki buried his hands in his knees.

Suddenly there was a fresh sound of laughing, louder than all the others. Loki felt a hand patting his back. He looked up and it was Tony. He looked towards the sound of laughter. Thor was just roaring with laughter as Loki fell over.

"Hey!" Loki complained. "You're my brother!"

Thor turned around and laughed even harder. "But you're adopted! So it's all okay."

And finally, what did it was that there was a sudden female laughter. From Pepper. Loki saw here, turning bright red with laughter. And that was it. Loki knelt and curled up into a ball.

"The shame…" he wailed. "The shame…"

"What is this?" Pepper asked between laughs.

Clint stood up and adopted a photographer's pose with both hands positioned as if forming a frame.

"I title it," he said proudly. "Preventative to Loki-titus."

"Preventative?" Loki asked, genuinely interested. "Why's that?"

"Because you know the saying," Clint shrugged. "An Arrow a Day keeps the Loki away."

* * *

**A/N – felt that there totally needed to be an after-story from the previous chapter. And I had to slot in that last line somewhere~ Let me know how you liked it. And please, please keep reviewing. I'm acting like a review stalker now. Wahoo, nearly 50! It's like the first thing I do after waking up and brushing my teeth and then the last thing before bedtime. *guilty face***


	25. Project Swan Lake

**A/N – SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING FOR SO LONG I feel bad because I was stuck on a few chapters and so left them for a while. Then when I wrote chapter 26 (I think) I suddenly got plagued with a load of other ideas and had to write them so that they occurred BEFORE the events of chapter 26. Please forgive me **

**In deep deep deep apologies, I will try to upload three chapters by tonight. Look forward to them~**

* * *

**Chapter 24 – Project Swan Lake**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Swan Lake_

_Mission details: torture Loki with the movie Swan Lake – Barbie version – and see the results…_

_Plan suggested by: Natasha_

* * *

Natasha entered the living room one ordinary day, intending to get a cup of coffee but was side-tracked by the sight of Tony rifling through the internet intensely.

"What are you looking at Tony?" Natasha asked, wandering over to look at the screen.

Tony looked up at Natasha quickly, then back to his screen. "Looking for more videos to torture our resident evil villain with."

Natasha's eyes lit up with interest. "Let me help." She offered, sitting down quickly.

"Thanks." Tony nodded and continued scrolling. "So what's best? There's the Justin Beiber movie, My Little Pony extended version or…even…Dora the Explorer compiled version."

Natasha frowned. "They're too soft." She complained. "Not torturous enough."

"Then what?"

"Something more…girly…" Natasha suggested.

"Like?"

Natasha mused for a moment, thinking hard. Then all of a sudden she sat up straight. Tony could practically see the light bulb above her head.

She turned around to Tony and grinned. A huge, wide grin.

"Ever heard of Swan Lake?" she asked.

Tony had. But not this version.

* * *

Loki woke up to a loud knocking at the door. He rose drowsily and opened the door.

He instantly regretted it for a hand grabbed him by the collar and promptly dragged him out of his room and into the dreaded living room.

"OW! OW! Gentle!" he yelped as his butt cleaned the hallway floor. Then, unceremoniously, he was dumped into a chair and his hands tied.

Loki sighed. "What is it this time?"

"Movie." Natasha said shortly, moving into his line of sight.

"Again?" Loki raised an eyebrow. "Are you Avengers running out of ideas?"

"Nope." Natasha raised her eyebrow in return. "We just found something better."

Loki gulped. Anything the Avengers considered 'better' than Twilight, My Little Pony and Care Bears was bound to be no good.

Natasha flipped out the remote, pointed it at the TV and then paused. "Girlfriend?" she said questioningly.

"Not telling." Loki replied, the repertoire fully memorized by now.

Natasha shrugged, pressed the play button and then strode out of the room.

Loki turned to the screen, prepared for whatever horrors were about to appear…and then got the shock of his life.

"IT'S TOO PINK!" he screamed. And he was right.

Because on the screen was a pink, fluffy, tutu-wearing doll-like girl. She pranced on stage and twirled. And then a few cake-decoration-like swans started faffing about on the screen. It was child-sweet and sickeningly so. Loki was scarred.

Not just because the entire thing was filled with tutu-like dresses or that it was so sweet it made Loki want to retch. No. It was because he didn't watch Swan Lake Barbie version once, nor twice, nor thrice.

He watched it on loop six times.

* * *

That night, he had nightmares. It involved very pink costumes and very fluffy tutus.

Suffice to say, it was not a dream most men hope for. And Loki was one of those men.

* * *

**A/N – Hey everyone. Sorry for another movie chapter but this one was good. I mean, I'm not out to diss Barbie, but this one was inspired by a friend of mine who in real life suffered watching the movie over five times because of his little sister~ Ah, the things we do for family~~~**

**Hope you liked it. It will come back to haunt Loki. Don't worry about that.**


	26. Project SL: The subsequent nightmare

**A/N – This is the follow up to chapter 24. I did say that Swan Lake would come back to haunt Loki. And here it is.**

* * *

**Chapter 25 – Project Swan Lake: the subsequent nightmare…**

* * *

It was the night after the terror of watching Swan Lake Barbie version five times. Loki had staggered to bed, slumped under the covers and fallen asleep almost instantly.

At first, the dream had been blue like a TV screen.

Then the blue color dissolved into…a very…lurid shade of pink.

It was a terrible shade of pink. The kind of fluffy, dreamy children's party pink. It was terrifying to Loki who associated himself with dark black, royal red and gleaming gold.

And then in his dream, the screen panned out so that Loki could see himself. He was standing in a delicate gazebo, surrounded by a lake and…and…and…dressed…in what could only be called…a pink ballet tutu.

Loki screamed.

And woke up. His chest heaved heavy breaths as he gasped for air. The dream had been too real.

Loki crawled out of bed, planning to go wash his face or get a glass of water. But then as he pushed aside his covers, his pillow fell down and his eyes caught sight of something.

Loki screamed soundlessly as he fell to the floor on his knees. He bowed forwards in silent prayer with both hands on the floor.

"Why me?" he sobbed. "Why me?"

Because under his pillow…was the Swan Lake DVD.

Blue-ray version.

* * *

**A/N – Gotta have the best quality right?**

** Pft, I like this chapter. You know what they say: that if you put something under your pillow you'll get good dreams or something like that. In this case, I guess it's the opposite. Poor Loki. Can you guess who put the DVD under his pillow? And as promised, one more chapter after this~**


	27. Project Xrated

**A/N –This one was inspired by Amber Neagaze who's reviewed several times to give me loads of little ideas. It was brilliant idea, but I had a little trouble writing it. Sorry there's no explicit details () but…Hope you enjoy it anyway~**

* * *

**Chapter 26 – Project X-rated**

* * *

_Mission name: Project X-rated_

_Mission details: Show Loki some _seriously_ disturbing photos and see if he breaks…_

_Plan suggested by: Amber Neagaze_

* * *

Loki woke up in a chair again. With Tony in front of him. And a large TV to boot.

This was becoming too common to laugh about.

"What is it this time?" he groaned, knowing the drill already. "Swan lake? You made me watch the Barbie version five times already" he complained. "I actually have nightmares about wearing the damn fluffy tutu."

Tony snickered at the thought of Loki in a tutu. Maybe for another time. But for now, he had something much worse. Tony rubbed his hands and picked up the remote.

"Today," he smiled broadly. "We have a brilliant thing called art."

"And what does this…art…do?" Loki asked warily, scared as Tony started clicking buttons to start a slideshow of some sort.

"Why don't we have a little look." Tony grinned, starting the slideshow.

Loki turned his attention to the screen, eyes half-narrowed with suspicion. The black screen flickered and then smoothly transited into a green screen with a triangle in the center. Loki looked at the small print and squinted, trying to read what it said.

"Warning." He muttered aloud as he read. "This movie has been rated M-18. For your safety, please take note of this."

Loki blinked. "M-18?" he asked, puzzled.

"Ah…" Tony tilted his head upwards as he tried to think of how to explain it innocently. "It just means…that it's a little extreme."

Loki stared at him. "Extreme?"

Tony scratched his head. "Why don't we just continue watching?" He suggested, making Loki look back at the screen to see what this mysterious M-18 meant.

The green screen slowly faded and the home-made movie started. Home-made by Tony in fact. But Loki didn't need to know this. All he needed to do was continue watching. But suddenly Tony paused the movie.

"Hey!" Loki complained.

"First thing." Tony grinned. "You better tell me who your girlfriend is."

Loki snorted. "Why would I? I want to watch this thing."

Tony grinned wider. Loki didn't know what he was getting himself into. "Really? Well then I better not disappoint you."

And then he pressed play.

And ran out of the room.

Loki sniffed, turned his attention back to the TV…and then screamed.

And screamed.

And screamed.

Because the movie was indeed M-18. And it was of Loki. Loki half-naked, very exposed and in some…very…compromising positions.

Let's just say it involved Loki and other…familiar…men. In rather…romantically close positions lip-wise. Loki couldn't stop screaming.

"HOW ON ASGARD DID YOU MAKE THIS STARK!"

Tony, hidden behind the door, sniggered. "It's called photoshop, dumbass." He didn't dare look at the screen (it was too scarring) but that was okay. Because Loki's expression was far too good. It was entertaining enough.

"STOP THIS TERROR!" Loki pleaded.

Tony called out from behind the door. "Only if you tell who's your girlfriend!" he sang.

Loki shook his head and tried to close his eyes against the scary images. But then the moaning sounds started and his hands were tied. It was truly a torture.

"Then the movie continues!" Tony smirked and ran away.

But just as he turned around the corner, he bumped into Clint, Steve and Bruce. An expression of terror quickly came over his face and he tried to edge away.

However, Clint's sharp eyes caught hold of him immediately. "What's wrong?"

"Uhh…" Tony mumbled. "Nothing. Gotta go." He said hurried as he tried to run away. But Thor who appeared around the corner grabbed ahold of his arm with an iron-grip and dragged him back.

"Come friend!" he boomed. "Let us go investigate what is wrong." Thor pulled Tony down the hallway towards the strange sound. All the while, Tony struggled like a fidgety puppy trying to run away.

All five men entered the room where Loki was being tortured and froze. Tony closed his eyes, anticipating what was about to come next.

Because sure indeed, the four men dropped Tony to the ground and stared at the TV. Because the males interacting with Loki on screen were…Clint, Steve, Bruce and Thor.

They turned around and looked at Tony who shriveled with fear.

"Umm…" he stammered. "Technology these days is amazing isn't it?"

Clint pulled out his bow from somewhere and notched an arrow. Steve brandished his shield, looking like he was about to bash Tony on the head and make Tony-flatcakes. Thor summoned his hammer and began swinging it around, looking faintly static. Bruce just looked green.

From that day onwards, Tony never messed with technology and the Avengers again. And Loki learnt never to doubt Tony's power at technological torture.

Because Tony plus technology means near-death is possible.

And the Avengers plus Angry equaled certain death.

So neither tempted fate again. At least, they waited a few days first...

* * *

**A/N – Did you like this one? I couldn't really go into interesting details…because well…that'd be…kinda embarrassing (blushes quietly). So I'm afraid it's up to your imagination~ Anyway, this is the last chapter for tonight. Expect more soon~**


	28. Project XLake

**A/N – And here's the chapter for today. It's a little bit of a mix up from chapter 25 (the nightmare) and chapter 26 (the x-rated stuff), so enjoy~**

**Also, thanks again for reviewing everyone! Surpassed the 70s range!**

* * *

**Chapter 27: Project X-Lake: when nightmares become reality…**

* * *

One day, Tony was out shopping for Pepper. They had a dinner date planned and Pepper demanded he pick something nice for her to wear, something to surprise her with. And in person as well. So he was forbidden from internet shopping.

So there he was, strolling along a shopping arcade with bags in both hand when he walked pass a children's store. It was the bright pink, extremely fluffy article.

And Tony knew in that instant exactly who it was perfect for.

He opened the door, hearing the door chime as a sign of victory and called out "Umm, excuse me. How much is that pink tutu!"

* * *

Loki woke up huffing and puffing again. This was the third consecutive night of nightmares he had had since Natasha had played the Swan Lake movie and Tony had shown him that M018 movie.

At first, it had just been pink swirls and terrifying dreams of tutus. Then it changed after that horrifying M-18 movie into a strange half-naked Loki wearing only a tutu. (you can imagine it for yourself)

He didn't dare think about the following dreams that had involved Thor in equally kinky clothes. It was too scarring to remember.

Tonight was no different. He woke up terrified and climbed out of his bed. Flicking on the lights, he reached for his water bottle and then froze as he looked into the mirror.

Because he was missing a shirt, had rumpled hair…and was wearing…a pink tutu.

Loki screamed.

* * *

Outside the room, Tony knelt with his ear pressed to the door. He snickered as he heard Loki scream. Evidently Loki had finally looked in the mirror.

The DVD before had been good. But this was better.

So even though the tutu had been $45 bucks, it had been worth every cent.

Because the result was priceless.

* * *

**A/N - I liked this chapter ^^ And as Linnadra correctly said, i mixed up my facts in chapter 24 and 25 a little. The movie was only meant to be on loop five times. Sorry~~~**


	29. Project Make Over

**A/N – Okay, here's the next chapter. Sorry for not updating yesterday but I had this whole school graduation thing. Urgh, it was REALLY boring. Sitting for four hours whilst a teacher introduces over 140 students, hands them a letter and then takes a photo. Even the headmaster fell asleep. Lol. That says a lot. Anyway, enjoy this new chapter. Natasha is back!**

* * *

**Chapter 28 – Project Make Over**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Make Over_

_Mission details: torture Loki by dressing him up with certain…items…_

_Plan suggested by: Natasha_

* * *

Loki woke up drowsily to feel the tight tug of rope around his wrists and a sweet, powdery smell that tickled his nose. He struggled to stop the incoming sneeze.

"ACHOO!" he sneezed.

Fully awake now, Loki shook his head and stared at his surroundings. He was tied to a chair again – no different than usual – but in front of him was a strange sight.

There were pots and powders, brushes and tubes, fancy pens and combs. It was like an earthquake had struck a cosmetic shopping mall and all the products fallen into one heap. It was crazy. It was definitely a girl's room, right? With so much make-up, who else's would it be?

"What is this torture?" Loki called. "Death by sneezing?"

Natasha strode into the room. She gave him a glance over and finished with a decidedly disappointed expression.

"What?" Loki grumbled.

Natasha just raised her eyebrow in response. "Feel like spilling who your girlfriend is yet?"

"No. Try again later." Loki looked miffed as he tossed his head to one side. He would've crossed his arms but they were a little busy.

"Fine." Natasha shrugged. "Then let's get started."

"With what?" Loki said, instantly suspicious.

"Make-up for your date." Natasha smiled wickedly. "I mean you have to look good right?"

"Umm…sure…" Loki mumbled. "But when did I ever say I was going on a date?"

"You didn't." Natasha corrected him. "But now you're going."

"Don't I get a say in this matter?" Loki sounded desperate.

"Nope." Natasha said, brandishing powder and a fluffy brush. She walked confidently over to Loki who was trying his best to shrink away in the chair. "Now shut it and take it like a man."

Loki could only gulp.

* * *

_Three hours later…_

Loki opened his eyes a crack. In front of him was a mirror. And in the mirror was a terrifying reflection.

It was a pale powder-white face with bright red lips and dark smoky eyes. If Loki had been a girl, he might've admired the careful technique which Natasha had used to apply the lipstick so that there was a symmetrical curve or how she had placed the eyeliner in a perfect semi-circle.

But Loki wasn't a girl. So all he saw was this freaky white faced ghost with too-red lips and some strange panda eyes.

It was definitely not Loki Laufeyson, the frightening Asgardian god that inspired fear and terror in little children.

Loki turned around to stare at Natasha with a hopeless gaze. "What have you done to me?" he sobbed, tears budding and streaking down his cheek.

Natasha just snickered. Because the make-up ran as the tears fell. Now the freaky white-faced ghost panda looked like a freaky white-faced stretched ghost panda with some serious dark circles under his eye.

Loki, now released from his ropes, turned around to look at himself in the mirror again and wailed at the result. "NOOOOO!" he screamed, leaning backwards so that his head nearly touched the floor behind him. "Why! Mercy upon this lost soul!"

"Look up!" Natasha called. Loki did. And Natasha snapped a quick shot of the beautifully destroyed artwork. "You're on candy camera!"

* * *

**A/N – Sorry, but that's my favourite line. "you're on candy camera!"**

**And i HAD to do this chapter ^^ Coz i'm one of those girls that cannot use make-up whatsoever and feel that sitting for over half an hour whilst someone else puts make up on you is pure torture. Believe me...i had to that yesterday... (sob sob) **


	30. Project Make Over: The leftover mess

**A/N – Another follow up chapter. AND THANKS SOOOOO MUCH FOR MAKING THE REVIEWS OVER 80! I was so happy to see the large number! And though I know many of you want to know who Loki's girlfriend is, this fanfic might go on for a while. There's be so many ideas from myself and other reviewers that…well…the end seems far away. (might think of an insert chapter where the girlfriend appears but isn't revealed yet...) For now, enjoy the next chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter 29 – Project Make Over: The leftover mess**

A shadow entered the room. It stopped – frozen – at the mess right in front of him. It was terrifying.

There were brushes and discarded powder boxes tossed over the floor. Glitter scattered the ground. Then there were half-open lipstick tubes spread on the table and about a dozen pots everywhere. It was a frightening mess. As if someone had entered the room, held a disco party and then cleared out.

The person took three steps into the dark room and flicked on the light.

Only then did he see the true horror:

-Loki.

The once proud Asgardian god who inspired terror in little kids. Reduced to a white-faced panda. And snoring.

The man snorted. Then stopped when he saw the true extent of the mess around him. It had looked less terrifying in the dark.

"Oi. Loki!" The man yelled, smacking Loki across the face to wake him up.

"Hu…wha?" Loki mumbled as he woke up with a stinging slap on his right cheek. "Who?"

The man slapped him again on the other side.

"Hey! What was that for?" Loki yelped.

"Balance." The man said sagely.

Loki stared at him.

"What happened to my room?" The man complained, pointing to the mess around him.

"It was Natasha!" Loki said quickly, eager to shift the blame. "I'm the victim here!"

"Psh." The man snorted. "If Natasha did it then it's all your fault!"

"What!" Loki screamed. "I'm innocent."

"Yeah right." The man scoffed. "Look at this mess around you. Natasha's a neat freak. She wouldn't let this earthquake happen!"

Loki surveyed the mess around him. It really looked like an earthquake had taken place.

"By the way." Loki said slowly as the thought came to him. "This is _your_ room?" his tone was questioning.

"Yes." The man replied shortly, suspicion clouding his voice.

"Then do tell me," Loki asked. "Why in Asgard do you have so much make-up Stark?"

Tony gave him a death-glare.

"Have to always look good for the press." He said, preening himself in front of the mirror. "You never know when they'll pop up."

Loki raised an eyebrow. "Am I glad I'm not that popular."

"Of course not." Tony sniffed. He stomped heavily as if mimicking how heavy Loki's armor looked and preened his invisible horns like the ones Loki wore on his helmet. "You have terrible fashion taste and absolutely no swag."

"What!" Loki exclaimed. "Bad fashion taste? I've got better taste than Thor!"

"Oh yes, Shakespeare in the armory." Tony sniggered. "Doth mother knoweth you stoleth her metal mirrors?"

Loki doubled over as if spiritually kicked in the solar plexus. "That's mean…" he complained.

But he couldn't argue. So he kept quiet.

* * *

**A/N – Lol. The last line I had to fit in about the Shakespeare. But I wasn't sure about using 'metal mirrors'. But that was the closest I could think of. Steal mum's mirrors and form a shiny armor outta it. Couldn't think of another metal article that would work so I went with that. Using armor again sounded a little repetitive… And I know many of you thought the make-up belonged to Natasha, but I can't see her as the over-excessive type. More like a few bits and pieces and then the rest is actually Tony's. I can see that happening. **


	31. Project Xrated: the revenge

**A/N – This chapter goes to Comiccrazygothgirl. She may not have known it, but she inspired this chapter. I hadn't even submitted that chapter yet and then she suddenly wrote a review: the 61****st**** one saying Tony/Thor. I misread it and then suddenly got the idea that everyone should get revenge from the Project X-rated chapter. So here it is. Short, but satisfactory~**

* * *

**Chapter 30 – Project X-rated: the revenge...**

Tony groaned and woke up to the sound of loud, raucous laughing in the living room. He stumbled out of bed and into the living room, rubbing his eyes.

"What's so funny?" he asked. Everyone turned around, saw him and then burst out laughing even more. "What!"

"Come…see…" Clint snorted through his laughter. "It's too…good."

Tony strode over, rubbing sand out of his eyes, and stared at the screen.

Then he fell to the floor in a slump with surprise. Because the video was all too familiar. There was Loki half-naked and moaning…and next to him was not Clint, not Steve, not Thor and not Bruce.

No. It was Tony.

Tony fell to the floor and slammed his fists on the ground, mock-sobbing. "NOOOOOO! HOW COULD YOU!"

Clint, Bruce, Steve and Thor stood up in a ring around the fallen Tony.

"Easy." They smirked. And then they walked away, leaving Tony kneeling and the incriminating video on the television. "It's called Sweet Revenge."

* * *

**A/N – Sweet indeed. Okay, short chapter. But the next one is much much much longer. Promise. It's another review-based inspired one. So wait for it. Also~~~ Once the reviews surpass 100, I'll release a chapter with a sneak-peak of the mysterious girlfriend. Wait for it ^^**


	32. Project Burial and Breadcrumbs

**A/N – Hey everyone. New chapter is served. This one was another inspired chapter from HellsTheTwerd who sent me a pm saying this was something his friend (I think that was how it went) wants to do. Anyway, it was such a hilarious idea that this chapter came into existence. Enjoy~ (because now I want to try it out on someone as well)**

* * *

**Chapter 31 – Project Burial and Breadcrumbs**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Burial and Breadcrumbs_

_Mission details: bury Loki in sand and scatter breadcrumbs to attract seagulls…_

_Plan suggested by: __HellsTheTwerd_

* * *

When Loki woke up, it was not because he was tied in a chair again (he was too used to it by now that he could sleep comfortably in a chair). No. It was because of the hot sticky feeling he was currently experiencing.

He woke to the sight of Clint and Steve shoveling sand onto him.

"What!" he blinked several times, believing himself delusional. He then decided to pinch himself to check…but suddenly found he couldn't move his hand. "Why can't I move my-"

Loki stopped abruptly as he finally came to his senses. He was indeed seeing Clint and Steve holding shovels. Because he was buried neck deep in sand.

"What am I doing here!" Loki yelled.

"Looking ugly." Clint muttered. "Not difficult for you."

"Hey!" Loki complained. "Still, what's this torture!"

"You know the drill." Steve smiled. He wasn't even sweating. Rather he was completely used to hard labor even under the fiery sun. "Girlfriend fessing time."

Loki raised an eyebrow. "When did you learn how to say 'fessing'?"

Steve gave a half-embarrassed look. "Clint taught me." He admitted.

"Just answer." Clint intervened. "Who's your girlfriend?"

"You _think_ burying me in sand will make me tell?" Loki gave them a hard stare.

Clint shrugged and continued piling the sand and smacking it to make sure every particle was packed in tight so that eventually Loki was well and truly buried. He couldn't even twitch his toe. "This…is…really uncomfortable." Loki admitted.

"That's the point." Clint said gruffly. He tapped the sand to see if Loki was well and truly stuck firm. Then he and Steve knelt to start shaping the sand.

Five minutes later, Clint and Steve stood back and dusted their hands. They looked pleased at the final result and snapped a photo.

"What did you do to me?" Loki strained his neck to see.

Clint looked at Loki and then snorted with laughter. He couldn't help it. Because there was Loki's face, peering angrily out of a sand-formed mermaid body. It had the whole set. The fish tail, the round seaweed bra and even a little belly-button hole. All it was missing was-

"It needs some long hair." Steve observed. Clint nodded and dashed away down to the seafront and returned quickly, seaweed in hand. Steve grinned, understanding immediately and stepped back to let Clint drape the wet vegetable over Loki's head.

Steve broke down laughing.

"Hey! What did you do!" Loki continued to shout loudly, desperate now.

Steve pulled out a black bag from somewhere and managed to stop laughing for a few seconds. "Finishing touches." He chuckled.

Loki stared at Steve's hands which dipped into the bag and came out with…a handful of breadcrumbs.

"Breadcrumbs?" Loki stared.

"Yup!" Steve scattered them over Loki and offered the rest to Clint. "Doing our part to help nature."

Clint upended the rest of the contents right onto Loki's face. Loki spluttered as he swallowed half of the breadcrumbs. He shook his head, dislodging some of the crumbs but the rest got stuck in his wet seaweed hair, the sand next to him and even…his nostrils (though god knows who would eat from there).

"Well then." Clint dusted his hands again. "We'll see you around."

"Hey!" Loki called after the retreating backs of Clint and Steve who peeled off shirt and dashed for the sea. "My leg is itchy!"

No one seemed to hear him.

"ITCHY I TELL YOU!"

And suddenly, his itchy leg didn't seem so important. That happened the moment the first seagull landed…right on his nose.

"What are you doing infernal beast!" Loki snarled. The seagull jumped, shocked, and landed a few feet away right under Loki's neck. There he pecked hungrily at the breadcrumbs, tickling Loki annoyingly.

If Loki could, he would've waved the beast away. Then taken out his scepter and blasted the monster to small blue bits. But Loki was buried deep in sand, infuriatingly unable to render the animal to fried chicken.

Loki snapped his teeth angrily at the bird. The bird responded by pecking his cheek.

"OUCH!" Loki hissed.

But his complaints were cut off as a second bird landed and started pecking. Suddenly there was a third bird, and a fourth and a fifth. And in no time, Loki was surrounded by a hurricane of seagulls all eager to get their share of Loki-feed.

"Gerroff me you-you-flying creatures!" Loki spat out several feathers as he continued his angry tirade. "I will show you the power of an Asgardian God! Fear me!"

"They don't fear you." Clint called from the ocean. He was filming the whole ordeal. "Rather, you should fear them."

"ME!" Loki roared. "Fear these tiny infernal beas-"

But Loki got cut off as one seagull decided Loki's mouth was the best perch to sit on. Loki mumbled through a mouthful of feathers and claws, but this bird was a hardy heavy one and wouldn't be dislodged easily.

So Loki learned of his new position as bird perch and food. You could say it was a humbling experience.

* * *

When Clint and Steve dug up Loki later than night (night because they went sunbathing and forgot about Loki till much later), he was covered in tiny scratches and a lot of white…stuff… (lets just call it stuff)

Loki furiously went to take a bath. Only to discover that the beachhouse had no shower. Just a tiny hose with muddy water. So Loki had to make do with the muddy water. He later found out that bird poop (I mean the 'stuff') was incredibly difficult to get out and it took him a good half-an-hour to wash it partially away.

By the time he came back, Clint and Steve were sharing a pizza and beer in the car, laughing hysterically over the video of Loki and the seagulls.

As Loki knocked on the door, miserably wet, Clint took one look at him and refused to let him in the car. On accounts of damaging the leather.

"How am I supposed to get home?" Loki grumbled.

"Walk." Clint said roughly.

And drove away.

* * *

**A/N – The bird poop *koff koff* I mean 'stuff' at the end was inspired a bit by my friend who told me apparently bird poop is insanely difficult to wash out of hair. He has…apparently…experienced this…worldly sensation? I don't know and I don't plan to try.**

**Next chapter: Loki meets up with his girlfriend…finally!**


	33. Loki takes a short break

**A/N – I felt that Loki was getting so much trash every chapter that he needed a bit of a break. And some people were commenting that his girlfriend must be lonely or that they were curious about her. So here's a break from Loki's daily tortures to allow him to have a small date~**

**Enjoy it whilst it lasts Loki~~~**

* * *

**Chapter 32 – Loki takes a short break**

Loki strolled to the doors of Stark towers and called out behind him "Bye!"

Three heads popped around the corner to watch his retreating back with curiosity.

"Where you going Loki?" Clint called.

"Nowhere much." Loki smiled. "Just going on a date."

He whistled carelessly, hands in pocket and wide grin on his face as the lift door closed smoothly behind him. In his wake, he left three wide-eyes stares and open mouths large enough to easily fit a triple decker sandwich in one mouthful into. Not that anyone had tried before… (there was always a first time)

Thor stared at the closest lift door. He looked at the other two with a disbelieving expression. "My brother jests, correct?"

* * *

Loki sat down on the bench, crossed one leg casually over the other and leaned back comfortably. He pulled out a poison-green mobile phone and flipped it open. Then he stopped and forced back a laugh.

Because reflected in the shiny black screen of the phone was a large figure.

Loki tilted his head slightly, so casually, that it seemed nothing more than a simple movement. And out of the corner of his eye, he could properly see now…a blonde head.

He could see it because despite the owner of the blonde head's attempt to hide…the owner…was…a little too big to hide behind a dustbin.

_Right on schedule. _

Loki smirked as a thought came to his mind. He dialed a number and listened as the ringing sound gave way to a woman's voice almost immediately.

"Hey, babe." Loki purred loudly and grinned as he saw the blonde head stiffen. _Hook_.

"What's up?"

"How you doing?"

"Nearly there. Give me five minutes."

Loki saw Thor strain himself from behind a tree trunk, his neck craning. A group of girls stared at the large god with suspicion and gave him a wide berth as they walked. _Line_.

"Where are you?" Loki said, turning his head so that his voice carried easily over to where Thor was 'hiding'.

"Just crossing the road near the shopping mall."

Loki smiled. "Stay there. I'll go pick you up." He finished his call, replaced his phone and then snickered as he saw Thor dash from one tree trunk to another as he walked away from the bench. _Sinker._

* * *

Thor crawled from behind the dustbin to behind the bench that Loki had been sitting on just a few seconds ago. His brows furrowed with a mixture of frustration and curiosity. He also ignored the various people that gave him weird stares.

How could _his_ brother have a female companion? It was unthinkable. He already had a wife back on Asgard and still he was here trying to woo more females?

As the older brother, it was Thor's duty to correct Loki's mistake should it happen. He stood up, letting his red cape flutter and grabbed the bush branch next to him. He snapped it easily and grunted with satisfaction as when he held it in front of him, it hid most…well most of his face.

One woman with a toddler stared at his like he was crazy. Thor waved the leaf cover at them energetically.

"Mummy!" the toddler cried from his pram. "That man's weird!"

The mother quickly pulled down the pram's cover. "Ignore him, sweetie. I think he's a little lost, that's all." She muttered and quickly walked in the opposite direction.

Thor let his arm drop and looked a little sad. "Why did she ignore me?"

He shrugged, held up his make-shift leaf cover and then followed Loki through the crowd.

* * *

Loki caught someone by the shoulders. The woman chuckled good-naturedly as she was tugged into Loki's embrace.

"Hey there." She smiled as she returned his hug, her face buried in his chest.

"Ready to have fun?" Loki offered her a half-smile. Half pleased and half crafty.

Loki brandished two tickets then took her hand and proceeded smoothly into the gates of the amusement park.

Oh, this was definitely going to be fun.

* * *

Thor pelted after Loki and the strange female as they walked through the turnstiles at the gate. But just as he touched the gate, a man grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"Hey buddy. Where's your ticket?"

"Ticket?" Thor questioned, looking thoroughly confused.

The man gave him an uncertain smile. "You know, the paper thing that says you've paid."

"I know of no ticket." Thor declared, forgetting momentarily he was supposed to be a spy for the day. "I am Thor, Norse God! I have no need of tickets."

"Umm…" The man decided he was officially crazy. "Yeah. That's the best excuse I've heard today, but it still won't work."

Thor grumbled and waved his fists angrily. "I tell you! I am Thor! Respect me!"

"Sure, I'll respect you." The man muttered, pressing his intercom and summoning over some policemen. "They'll respect you even more."

It took five policemen, but eventually they dragged away a thrashing Thor whose mock-bush-shield had by now been officially crumpled. The ticket man offered the woman with her toddler an apologetic smile and ushered them in.

The woman looked back at Thor being dragged away and said to the ticket man, "He's not coming in, right?"

The ticket man patted her shoulder. "Of course not. Don't worry."

The woman smiled and moved on. Whilst Thor moved back.

You know what they say. One step forwards and two steps back. Or in this case, more like two miles back to the nearest police station.

So Loki had a good date with his girlfriend and Thor had a date with a jail cell.

Not everyone gets the good deal after all.

* * *

Somewhere in the amusement park, Loki had one arm slung around his girlfriend's slim shoulders.

He grinned.

"What's up?" his girlfriend asked, tilting her small head upwards to meet his.

"Nothing." He smiled reassuring. "Just thought of something funny."

When his girlfriend dropped her head to look back at the roller coaster in front of him, his wicked smile returned. He cackled as he thought of Thor stuck in jail.

Then he discovered what roller coasters were.

And totally forgot about Thor.

He was too busy passed out.

* * *

**A/N – Hey people, I'm back. I should be able to be more consistent now, but hope you liked this chapter. Next one is another sidestory about…Thor's…time in jail…**

**Poor Loki, even on his long awaited date he still gets some trouble. This chapter came about because someone said that Loki should be stalked around New York. This time it was just Thor who stalked Loki but in future I'll plan more chapters with different Avengers following Loki and his girlfriend! Wait for it~**

**P.S. I've been thinking about the chapters that YOU GUYS inspire, I might actually put you guys into the story. Not just have the 'plan suggested by' you all, but actually have you partaking in it. What's your view on this?**


	34. After jail troubles

**A/N – Here's a little sidestory as to what happened to Thor afterwards. I know there's been a lot of sidestories and sidetracking etc etc, but the next chapter I promise is going back to mission times. It's another review-inspired chapter~ Wait for it!**

* * *

**Chapter 33 – After jail troubles **

Thor squinted at the bright sunlight. The jail cell had been dark and damp and the sudden light was blinding. Tony stomped out from behind him looking rather unpleased at having to bail Thor out from jail. Jail of all places. He took Thor's wrist roughly and dragged him towards a bench.

"Sit here." He ordered. "I'm going to get the car."

Tony walked three steps. Then stopped. And turned around.

He pointed one accusatory finger at Thor. "And don't move." He warned, then stalked away.

Thor blinked, unsure of why Tony looked so mad or thought he was going to wander off. He tilted his head and looked at his surroundings.

To one end of the park nearby the police station was a bunch of kids surrounded by a balloon man, at the other end was an old couple throwing breadcrumbs to birds. In the centre was a large fountain. Thor stretched luxuriously, reveling in freedom from that tiny, squashed cell that was meant to accommodate Midgardians and so not those of Thor's size and caliber.

As he stretched, his cape fluttered and suddenly strained.

Thor turned around to see a little kid tug on his cape.

"Mister." The kid chirped. "Are you cosplaying as that guy with weird fashion taste from the Avenger's movie?"

"Weird fashion taste?" Thor frowned.

"Yeah." The kid nodded. "I mean you have lame red cape and that silver hammer."

"This cape is handmade!" Thor protested. "And Mjolnir is priceless!"

"Oooo!" The kid gave the cape another hard tug. "You're a hard core cosplayer, huh? Just like my older sister."

"Cosplayer?"

"Don't play dumb to fit your character." The kid scoffed. "I have to admit your cosplay outfit is good. I have to show all my friends!"

The kid skirted around the bench, grabbed Thor by the hand and dragged him off to where more kids stood around the balloon.

"Hey!" Thor protested. "I have to-have to…stay here."

But the kid was persistent and dragged Thor (good old Thor who didn't want to hurt a kid) a good few meters more. "Look guys!" he called out excitedly to his friends who all turned around.

One girl analyzed Thor, her gaze sweeping him from blonde hair to booted feet. Then she shrieked "It's a guy dressed as Thor!"

"What are you talking about child?" Thor objected. "I am Thor."

"Don't be silly." The girl chided. "Thor doesn't exist. He's fictional. You're just a good cosplayer so don't lie about it."

"But-" Thor spluttered.

"My daddy says liars are punished, so watch what you're saying." The little girl warned him, waving one finger at him sternly.

Thor stared at them with his mouth wide open. What else could he say?

* * *

Five minutes later, Tony returned to find Thor posing with several kids for pictures. He growled.

"What part of stay still do you not understand?" He hissed right behind Thor's back. "Do I need to buy you a leash?"

Thor jumped and turned around with a guilty expression. "Well…you see…" he stammered, looking for excuses.

But Tony wouldn't listen. He grabbed Thor by the ear and dragged him back to his car, ignoring the yelps of pain from the Norse god. Today had been enough trouble as it was without Thor making it worse.

Behind him, the four kids waved Thor goodbye and went to buy ice cream. They thought it was all part of the act and so went to bed that night without any worries for the Norse god who slept only on one side that night...because his other ear was too sore to sleep on.

* * *

**A/N – Another chapter done. Hope you liked this one. I always wanted a chapter where some kids accuse an avenger of dressing up as an avenger. Anyway, next chapter is mission time again. Thanks to everyone for upping the reviews over that beautiful 110~ Love you all! Now that I've finished my other avenger fanfic, I should be able to dedicate more time to this story. Got a few others to finish (that I totally abandoned), but this story has my utmost attention!**

**Over and out-**


	35. Project Buzz

**A/N – Sorry for not updating yesterday. I was out all day and didn't come back till practically after midnight. But here's your next chapter. This one was inspired by HellsTheTwerd who once said that I should stick Darcy with a taser onto Loki. It's not exactly the same since I didn't use Darcy or a taser, but the idea of electricity sparked into this story. Hope you like it ^^**

* * *

**Chapter 34 – Project Buzz**

* * *

_Mission name: Project Buzz_

_Mission details: get answers from Loki using electricity as a threat…_

_Plan suggested by:__HellsTheTwerd_

* * *

Loki woke up to the ominous sound of crackling. The chair he was in was different than usual.

Gone was the wooden chair and chafing feeling of ropes. Instead, today he was sitting in an uncomfortable metal chair with firm shackles around his ankles and wrists. It was extremely daunting and Loki gulped.

He looked up as footsteps filled the room and in came Natasha with a wicked grin on her face.

"What is this…contraption…?" Loki asked warily, tracking her movements as she stalked over to a large machine and began fiddling with buttons.

"Electroshocker v1.429." Natasha said shortly as she flicked a switch.

"A wha-?" Loki looked stunned at the name.

"An electric shock machine basically."

Loki still looked a little scared. "And what am I doing…sitting in such a dangerous sounding contraption."

"Well," Natasha turned around to smile at him. "Fury just bought the prototype in, so I thought it would be a good idea to test it out first."

"And…you're testing it on me?"

"Of course." Natasha said so blatantly that Loki's mouth fell open. "Right, let's start."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait!" Loki interrupted rapidly. "Aren't you going to ask me about my girlfriend first?" Evidently he was stalling for time.

"Are you actually going to tell me?" Natasha raised one eyebrow with practiced ease.

"Of course not." Loki said without blinking.

"Then we'll begin." Natasha shrugged. "Until you learn your lesson."

She turned a large black knob to the first knob and a sliver of electricity ran through Loki's body. Loki's eyes widened and his back straightened.

"Oooo." He cooed. "That felt…interesting."

"Not strong enough?" Natasha asked. "Next level." She said and turned the dial up another level.

A stronger bolt of electricity laced through Loki and made his skin tingle. "Oooo!" he said louder. "That tickled."

Third level also didn't seem to extract information from Loki more than a few giggles, so Natasha skipped level 4 and 5 and just went to level 6.

Finally it elicited a stronger reaction from Loki. "Ouch!" he complained as the electricity finally began to sting. But that quickly gave way to an easy tingling that Loki found he was starting to like.

Natasha grumbled and her lips turned downwards into a frown. Why wasn't the electricity shock machine working?

She upper the machine to level 8 and still no reaction but a mirthful laugh.

"Why are you enjoying this?" she hissed.

Loki shrugged as tears budded from over-laughing. "I don't know! It just tickles!"

Natasha growled, then spun the dial to the highest level: level 10.

Finally there was a reaction other than the insistent giggle. But it wasn't the reaction Natasha had been hoping for.

What happened…was that in a rush of electricity Loki's hair stood up. Like empire state building straight. It was hilarious.

Loki admired himself in the mirror. "Ooo, I quite like this new hairstyle." He complimented himself from all angles.

But Natasha wasn't pleased.

"I'm telling Fury this machine is broken." She muttered and shut off the machine.

She then stalked out of the room angrily, leaving behind a cooing Loki who was tilting his head left and right to see from which angle his new hairstyle looked the best.

Only fourteen hours later did his hair fall down.

When it did, he went back to Natasha to ask for another round.

She answered his question by shaving his hair the following night.

* * *

**A/N – and there we go. Hope you liked this chapter HellsTheTwerd~ Also, I was thinking whether or not I should write a follow up chapter for this one where Natasha shaves Loki's hair off… Not sure though since I've been writing so many side-chapters. Let me know what you guys think and then I'll act accordingly. **

**Over and out-**

**Saffa **


	36. A close shave

**A/N – Since people seemed to want this side story, I've written it. It was quite fun to write it, so I'm glad you all wanted it. I also like the title *grin, grin, grin***

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**Chapter 35 – A close shave**

Loki had a very strange dream that night.

It had been a quiet day so far. The only drama had been Natasha stalking away with a growl when Loki had asked her to use that electric thingy machine and make his hair stand up again. He was quite fond of that look.

As she walked away, Loki had shrugged, not understanding the situation, and returned to his room. He had brushed his teeth, changed into his favorite hot pink PJs that he secretly hid from Thor and then gone to bed humming.

About an hour later, there came a soft sound of metal from the ceiling. A shadow detached itself from the ventilation and slowly slinked down so that it was level with the bed.

The shadow pulled something out of its pocket: a metal rectangular object. A shaver. The shadow then flicked a button and grinned as a soft whirring sound began.

Then the shadow moved the shaver close to Loki's head, checking that the Norse god was still sleeping, and began her revenge.

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Loki woke up to a tickling sensation the next morning.

He yawned, stretched and then sneezed. Loki's forehead furrowed as black tufts fell to the bedsheets just like snow falling to the ground. Loki leaned forwards and pinched a tuft, turning it in his fingers. The hair looked very, very familiar…

Loki, out of habit more than anything, rubbed his head in confusion. And then froze.

And rubbed again.

And his jaw dropped.

Loki jumped out of bed, glancing momentarily at the warzone of black hair follicles scattered around the bed and then dashed for his bathroom.

He slammed the door open, thumped one fist on the switch to the turn the lights on and then stared at his reflections.

Because what he had felt just now wasn't his usual luxuriously sleek hair. No. It was a flat, very bare, very smooth skin.

And the mirror was his proof. He didn't dream up that shiny, glinting round thing he now saw in the mirror. He pinched himself to make sure of it. It was the undeniable truth.

Loki was bald.

Loki crumpled to his knees. Not his hair, not his beautiful, sleek, girl-magnet hair.

He tilted his head back and wailed: "MY BEAUTIFUL HAIRRRRRRRRR!"

His life was officially over.

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**A/N – Hey everyone. Hope you enjoyed it. For anyone who didn't guess, Natasha was the shadow dropping in from above. And don't worry, Loki will get his hair back…one day…~**


	37. Project Bedtime Story

**A/N – This was a completely random idea brought from the sheer idea of Thor sitting and reading children stories. Can you imagine Loki's face? Btw, I gave Loki back his hair… I couldn't imagine writing another 30 chapters or so with a bald Loki. The jokes would never end…**

**And just before you guys start reading~~~~ I can't believe we're over 150 reviews! *jumps for joy* Thanks so so so so so much to everyone who has reviewed. There are far too many of you guys, but i love you all~**

**Congrats to Jayc Black who was my 150th reviewer! Love the way the review was just about Loki's hair as were the other like 10 reviews. Pft, well w****ithout further ado, Loki's hair has returned!**

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**Chapter 36 – Project Bedtime Story**

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_Mission name: Project Bedtime Story_

_Mission details: scare Loki with some…unusual…bedtime stories…that he stars in…_

_Plan suggested by: Thor_

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Loki snuggled under the bedsheets feeling warm and drowsy after a long bubble bath. His hair had grown back thanks to Bruce who had whipped up a hair re-growth potion after Loki had begged for it. And to boot, he hadn't been tied to a chair for three days in succession.

Tonight was definitely a good day.

Nothing was going to spoil it. Loki was sure of it. Certain of it. Absolutely-

Not sure.

The entry of Thor into his bedroom with a large ornate book tucked under one arm changed Loki's mind in a 180 direction.

"Thor?" he asked, suspiciously.

"Yes brother?" Thor rumbled, grabbing a chair and sitting down.

"What are you doing in my room?" Loki sat up and pulled the bedsheets over his body, trying but failing to hide his bright pink PJs that had the word 'badass by nature' written over them in a lurid green color.

"I thought," Thor began with a large smile that Loki dreaded because he knew that whenever Thor had a 'thought' with a large smile the resulting action wouldn't go down well. "That we should have more brotherly moments."

Loki facepalmed. Brotherly moments?

"Do you remember a long time ago when we were but small-" Thor began, but Loki quickly cut him off.

"Get to the point, _brother._"

"When you had nightmares as a child I used to read stories to you." Thor beamed.

Loki groaned. He could see where this was going. "I'm not a child anymore Thor." He muttered. "And I don't have nightmares."

But Thor completely ignored him. He opened the thick book in front of him and began reading.

"Once upon a time," he said loudly, enunciating each word slowly and clearly. Loki groaned. This bedtime story was going to take all night. "There was a little boy named Loki-rella."

Loki froze. "Wait a sec," he held out one hand to Thor who looked at his curiously. "Backtrack there."

"What is wrong, brother?"

"Did you just say my name in the story?"

"Of course."

Loki stared at Thor like he had just claimed he had worn a pink bikini and cat walked down New York Main street. "What?"

"This story is about you." Thor chortled. "I wrote it."

Loki groaned. As if it couldn't get worse. Thor took that as a signal to continue.

"Anyway, there was once a little boy name Loki-rella." Thor rumbled. "Loki-rella was a pitiful little boy, bullied by his step sisters and step mother."

Loki put his face in his hands.

"Poor little Loki-rella always had to do the chores and was never praised for his hard work. Then one day, there was a ball where the prince of the country would chose the girl he was to marry."

Loki had a sickening thought.

"Loki-rella wanted so badly to go to that ball. But his step sisters made him fix their dresses and tie their shoes and get everything ready so that they would be ready for the ball, but not Loki-rella. So poor little Loki-rella never had any time to prepare his beautiful pink dress or brush his lush black hair."

Loki mock-vomited at the thought of wearing a pink dress.

"Then the ball came and his step sisters and step mother left in a grand carriage. Poor little Loki-rella was left crying in the back yard. His step sisters had destroyed his wonderful pink dress and left him behind."

Loki raised one eyebrow. "Did you write this brother? Because I don't think your English could possibly be that good."

Thor ignored him and continued. "Then with a shower of glitter, Loki-rella's grandmother descended from the skies. With a wave of her wand, Loki-rella was suddenly dressed in a glittery white gown and took a large, tasty pumpkin carriage to the ball!" Thor said grandly.

Loki stared at Thor weirdly, trying to imagine who on Asgard would ride in a pumpkin carriage.

"Then at the ball Loki-rella danced with the prince. The prince fell in love with Loki-rella and-"

"Stop!" Loki yelped. "Stop if you value my sanity!" He could not imagine a 'prince' falling in love with him.

Thor sighed. "Very well, I will finish the story quickly."

"Please do." Loki begged.

"So the prince fell in love with Loki-rella, but at midnight the magic was over. So Loki-rella ran for it and left behind one delicate glass slipper."

Loki's face turned horrified at the thought of him wearing glass slippers.

"The prince picked up the glass slipper and then searched the country for Loki-rella, whose delicate small feet would only fit those slippers."

"And let me guess," Loki said hurriedly. "He found Loki-rella, they fell in love, got married and yada yada yada happily ever after."

"How did you guess?" Thor gave him a wonder-filled gaze. "My brother, you are a psychic! Why did you never confide this information to me?"

"Yes, yes." Loki rushed him. "Now let me go to sleep. Goodnight. Bye, bye. Sayonara. Adios." He pushed Thor to the door. But Thor stopped his with one buff arm.

"But brother, I have many other stories to read to you. Loki-wolf and the three little pigs, Little Red Loki Hood and-"

Loki looked disturbed. "Perhaps another night dear brother." Then he slammed the door in Thor's face and locked it.

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That night, Loki had a nightmare. It consisted of him wearing a poofy pink dress with an aged winged grandmother flying above scattering glitter and Thor dressed in royal navy blue chasing him around Stark towers with a glass slipper in hand.

Suffice to say, Loki never let Thor into his bedroom again. Sweet dreams were a fleeting fantasy if he did so.

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**A/N – sorry for the longish chapter, but when the idea of a bedtime story transformed into Loki-rella, well…I had to tell the whole thing. ^^ Let me know how you found it~**


	38. Project Sickly Sweet

**A/N – Sorry for not updating yesterday. I'm kinda preoccupied with another kpop drama I'm writing. It's about mblaq and my bias Thunder~~~~ It's not on so don't worry if you don't know about them, but I promise to try and be consistent with this fanfic as well. Also, I've got a few other Avenger and Divergent fanfics I must get on with. So lots of work to do, yay~ **

**For now, enjoy this short but sweet chapter!**

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**Chapter 37 – Project Sickly Sweet**

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_Mission name: Project Sickly Sweet_

_Mission details: sicken Loki with overly sweet movies…_

_Plan suggested by: Linnadra_

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Loki woke up tied to the chair AGAIN. At this rate, he might as well just sleep in this chair permanently.

Loki thought he was beginning to develop chair-phobia at this rate.

"What am I watching today?" he groaned to Natasha who stood with a remote in her hand and he back to another flat screen television.

"A wonderfully sickening thing called romance." Natasha said flatly. "You should know."

"Huh?" Loki looked at her confused.

"After all you have this brilliantly romantic relationship with you 'girlfriend' right?" Natasha said scathingly.

"I'm not answering that." Loki sniffed, sensing her trap.

"Then," Natasha shrugged and pressed play. "Enjoy."

As she walked away, on the screen came the title 'Titanic'. At first Loki scoffed, believing romance to be a cake-walk.

Three minutes later into the movie, he regretted that thought.

Romance was the new genre of horror. And Loki was learning that.

The hard way.

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**A/N – Pft, they say the Titantic is THE romance movie. Let's let Loki experience that~ This idea came from Linnadra, something she reviewed a long time ago about making Loki watch a load of romance movies. So here it is.**

**And to everyone else who posted an idea, don't worry. I've queued them up and have planned to write them, but gotta get round them all first. Wait for it!**


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